Who Taught You That Being Strong Meant Never Stopping ?

Have you ever noticed that even when you finally have time to rest....

you still can't?

You answer one more email.

Fold another load of washing.

Organise tomorrow.

Check on everyone else.

And before you know it, another opportunity to simply be has disappeared.

In this week's Conversations with Dr Nat, host Dr Nat Green explores why so many high-functioning women feel compelled to keep going—even when they're physically and emotionally exhausted.

Because what if the problem isn't your workload?

What if your nervous system learned, many years ago, that being strong meant never stopping?

Through deeply personal stories about her Mum, her own healing journey after PTSD, and decades of working with women who quietly carry everyone else, Dr Nat explores how the beliefs we absorb in childhood continue shaping our identity, our nervous system and our relationship with rest.

This isn't about blaming our parents.

It's about understanding ourselves with compassion.

Because once we understand where our patterns came from....

we finally have permission to choose differently.

In this episode we explore:

•  Why so many high-functioning women struggle to slow down 
•  How childhood beliefs shape our relationship with work, productivity and rest 
•  Why your nervous system may feel safer doing than simply being 
•  The invisible identity patterns that keep women over-functioning 
•  How family role models influence our beliefs about strength and self-worth 
•  Why slowing down can feel uncomfortable—even when you desperately need it 
•  The difference between surviving and truly living 
•  Three gentle reflections to help you notice your own patterns this week 

A Question To Sit With

Who taught you that being strong meant never stopping?

And perhaps even more importantly...

Is that belief still serving the woman you're becoming?

If this episode resonated...

Please share it with someone who has always been "the strong one."

Sometimes the women who hold everything together are the ones who most need permission to put the weight down.

Connect with Dr Nat

🌿 Discover your Archetype - Take the FREE Archetypes of Transformation Quiz here and discover the unconscious patterns shaping your identity and nervous system.

🎙️ Subscribe to Growing Tall Poppies so you never miss an episode.

💌 Subscribe to Conversations with Dr Nat - our Weekly connection here for weekly reflections designed to help you reconnect with yourself, increase your capacity, and gently become who you were always meant to be.

If this episode resonates with you then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen

Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Transcript

Dr Nat Green 0:04

Welcome to Growing Tall Poppies, Thrive After Trauma. I'm your host, Dr. Nat Green, and I am so excited to have you join me as we discuss what it means to navigate your way through trauma or significant challenges, and not just survive, but to thrive after it. This is a space for people who've been through trauma or adversity, have done some healing, and know they're meant for more than just coping. This podcast is about post-traumatic growth, not getting back to who you used to be. Rather, understanding who you are now and learning how to stand tall without shrinking, forcing, or abandoning yourself. Here, we explore identity after adversity, integrity and visibility wounds, nervous system wisdom, and what it really takes to move forward in a way that feels aligned, embodied, and true. You will hear a blend of deep solo conversations and powerful guest interviews with people who have lived this work, not just studied it. Because growth doesn't come from pushing harder, it comes from understanding how you adapted, honoring your nervous system, and gently updating the old agreements that no longer fit the life you're ready to live. If you're ready to stop hiding, stop performing, and start owning who you are becoming, then you are in the right place. Let's grow tall together Hello, and welcome back to this week's episode of Growing Tall Poppies, and to another conversation with Dr. Nat. I am so glad you're here. Can I ask you something? Do you ever notice that even when you finally got a quiet evening, your body doesn't know what to do with it? You sit on the couch. Within about 30 seconds you're thinking, "Oh, I should probably put that washing away," or, "I'll just answer that one text or that one email," or, "I'll just quickly get things organized for tomorrow." Maybe someone else in your family is sitting there watching television, completely relaxed, and you're walking around turning lights off, packing lunches, folding washing, checking everyone else's calendars because somehow your brain just won't let you stop. And then you wonder, "Why am I like this? Why can't I just relax like everyone else?" But I don't actually think that's the real question I think the real question is who taught us that this was what being strong looked like? 'Cause nobody wakes up one morning and decides that they don't deserve to rest. We learn it So when you think about the strongest person you knew growing up who comes to mind for you? Maybe it was your mom, maybe your dad, a grandparent, a family friend, someone who just kept on going no matter what. The person that everyone admired because they never complained. The one who somehow held everything and everyone together. The one that everyone relied on Here's my next question did they ever rest? Not because they were forced to, but simply because they believe that they deserved to Cause I think so many of us learned something long before anyone ever sat us down and said the words. We watched, we absorbed, and before we knew it, we became Have you ever noticed that you apologize for sitting down? "Oh, I'll just have a quick cup of tea," before getting back up again. Or someone says, "Leave that. I'll do it." And before they've even finished their sentence, you've replied, "No, no, I've got it," almost automatically. You don't even think. Your body moves before your brain does Yeah. You know exactly what I mean. That's the thing about identity. We think we're making conscious decisions, but so often we're simply repeating ones that are familiar to us Just think, you've already picked up the bags, loaded the dishwasher, answered the message, solved the problem, filled everyone else's cup without even noticing yours was empty Before you give yourself permission to sit down because somewhere being the one who helps became who you are Yeah. Imagine this You've been looking forward to a holiday for months, and you finally arrive. Coffee in hand, the view is beautiful You tell yourself, "Oh, this week I am really going to relax." And within an hour, you're researching restaurants, making bookings, working out tomorrow's plan, checking that everyone else is happy, and asking everyone what they feel like doing. Because making sure that everyone else enjoys themselves feels easier than simply enjoying yourself. And the interesting part, you don't even realize you're doing it Again, can I share something really personal? I've been thinking a lot about this lately, not because I blame my parents. Far from it. My mom was an extraordinary woman. She was a teacher who set up a center for children with disabilities and for their families to get support and interventions to help them reach their maximum potential She adored her students. She loved serving people And we lost Mum to breast cancer 32 years ago now. Yet one of the things I remember most about her was just how incredibly resilient she was. Even while having chemotherapy, she kept working At the time, I never questioned it because it was simply normal, and I guess I thought that's what strong people do. You just keep going. You don't complain. You definitely don't let people down. You just keep showing up, and I admired her for that. I still do. But years later, during my own healing journey, I realized something children don't just inherit eye color or personalities or a love of certain foods. We inherit beliefs not because someone teaches us, but because someone models them. No one ever sat me down and said, "Natalie, your worth depends on how much you do." Pfft. No one ever said, "You should only rest once everything is finished." Not at all. But that's the fascinating thing about beliefs. The ones that shape us most are rarely spoken out loud. They're lived They're watched And they're absorbed Until one day, they simply feel like the truth, and somehow those ideas quietly found their way in anyway. Not through words, through watching, through loving someone, through wanting to be just like them There was something else I discovered during my own work after my PTSD that really surprised me. Even before I was born, my family experienced enormous grief My aunt passed away in a car accident overseas while my mom was almost six months pregnant with me And during my own breakthrough work, I became deeply curious about something. We know babies experience the emotional environment that they're growing within, and we know our nervous systems begin developing long before we're born. And I've often wondered how much of what feels so familiar to us begins long before we ever have words for it I'm not saying that one event explains an entire lifetime. Life is much more complex than that, as you know. But I've become deeply curious about something. How much of who we believe we are is actually ours, and how much is simply what we learned helped the people we loved survived? I wonder, would you expect your best friend to keep going no matter what it cost her? Would you tell her to ignore how exhausted she was? To keep pushing, to keep giving, to never stop? Or is that standard also only reserved for you? When I work with women now, I see this everywhere. Women who've built beautiful businesses, raised incredible families, supported everyone around them And I see women who finally sit down at night and immediately remember 12 more things they haven't done. Women who carry their coffee from room to room and realize it's gone cold because everyone else came first. Women who book everyone else's appointments but cancel their own. Women who say, "I've got it," before anyone has even finished offering to help. They don't even realize they're doing it anymore. It's simply become who they believe they have to be Not because they're trying to prove anything, but because somewhere along the way, this simply became normal. Women who genuinely don't know how to stop, not because they're addicted to work, but because stopping feels so unfamiliar, even unsafe. Because somewhere their nervous system learned strong people keep going. And if that's what you learned, of course, slowing down feels really uncomfortable. Your nervous system isn't fighting rest. It's protecting the identity that once helped you to belong And the beautiful thing is, what we learned can also be questioned. Not rejected, questioned. We don't have to make our parents wrong. Most of them were simply doing the very best they could with what they had. My mom wasn't teaching me to overwork. She was showing me what love looked like. She was teaching me courage, she was teaching me resilience, and she was teaching me commitment And they were beautiful gifts But somewhere along the way, I added another belief, that strength meant never stopping. And that part I've had to gently unlearn So before we finish our conversation today Can I leave you with three gentle things to notice this week? Not to change, just to notice. So firstly, number one: who modeled strength for you growing up? What did they actually do? Secondly, number two, what messages did you absorb about resting? Who always came last in your family? Was rest welcomed? Or was it something that you earned after everything else was done? And finally, number three, ask yourself this Is the way you've been living a conscious choice? Or simply a pattern that you've never thought to question So maybe this week, instead of asking yourself, "Why can't I stop?" Try asking yourself, who taught me that stopping wasn't safe? And they're very different questions. One makes you wrong, and the other helps you understand yourself. And understanding yourself is always where change begins. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. If today's conversation resonated, if you know someone who's always been the strong one, I'd love you to share this episode with them. Because sometimes the strongest people are the ones who most need to hear that they're allowed to put the weight down Until next time, may you move through this week with a little more awareness, a little more self-compassion, and remember that becoming who you were always meant to be begins with coming home to yourself. Take gentle care. Bye for now Thank you for spending this time with me on Growing Tall Poppies. My hope is that today's episode has offered you something more than insight, that it's helped you feel a little more connected to who you are now, a little more trusting of your body, and a little more permission to stand tall without shrinking or forcing yourself forward. Post-traumatic growth isn't about fixing yourself or returning to who you once were. It's about understanding how you adapted, honoring your nervous system, and gently choosing what no longer needs to come with you. New episodes of Growing Tall Poppies are released weekly. Every Tuesday, and I'd love for you to continue walking this path with us as we explore identity after adversity, integrity, invisibility wounds, nervous system wisdom, and what it truly means to grow forward grounded, aligned, and embodied. If this episode resonated, I invite you to subscribe, follow, share it with someone that you feel might need it, or simply take a quiet moment to reflect on what's ready to move forward for you. You can also find me on Instagram @drnatgreen, on Facebook at Dr. Natalie Green, or over on YouTube at Dr. Nat Green. And remember, you don't need to rush, and you don't need to hide anymore. Stay connected, stay true, and keep standing tall like the tall poppy you are. I'll see you in the next episode. Bye for now.