You Don't Have a Productivity Problem, You Have a Permission Problem

Conversations with Dr Nat is a short weekly reflection for high-functioning women who are tired of just ‘surviving’ and ready to come home to themselves.

Have you ever finally had time to rest.... only to find yourself cleaning the house, answering emails or searching for something productive to do?

What if the problem isn't that you're bad at relaxing?

What if your nervous system simply doesn't feel safe slowing down?

In this second episode of Conversations with Dr Nat, host Dr Nat Green explores why so many high-functioning women struggle to rest—even when they're completely exhausted.

Through a deeply personal story from a long-awaited family holiday through Europe, Dr Nat reflects on the surprising moment she realised that being needed felt more familiar than simply receiving and allowing rest. It became a powerful reminder that many of us don't have a productivity problem at all—we have a permission problem.

This isn't a conversation about time management.

It's a conversation about identity, nervous system safety, and the beliefs we've quietly carried for years about worth, productivity and rest.

If you've ever felt guilty for slowing down...
 If you've ever believed you needed to earn your rest...
 If you've ever wondered why doing feels easier than simply being...

this conversation is for you.

In this episode we explore:

• Why rest can feel uncomfortable even when you're exhausted

• The hidden beliefs that make us feel we have to earn our worth

• How your nervous system learns what feels safe and familiar

• Why high-achieving women often struggle to slow down

• The difference between productivity and permission

• A personal story that changed the way I think about rest forever

• Three gentle reflections to help you notice your own patterns this week

A question to sit with

Who taught you that rest had to be earned?

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love you to share it with someone who is always looking after everyone else.

Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who most need to hear that they're allowed to stop.

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Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Transcript

Dr Nat Green 0:04

Welcome to Growing Tall Poppies, Thrive After Trauma. I'm your host, Dr. Nat Green, and I am so excited to have you join me as we discuss what it means to navigate your way through trauma or significant challenges, and not just survive, but to thrive after it. This is a space for people who've been through trauma or adversity, have done some healing, and know they're meant for more than just coping. This podcast is about post-traumatic growth, not getting back to who you used to be. Rather, understanding who you are now and learning how to stand tall without shrinking, forcing, or abandoning yourself. Here, we explore identity after adversity, integrity and visibility wounds, nervous system wisdom, and what it really takes to move forward in a way that feels aligned, embodied, and true. You will hear a blend of deep solo conversations and powerful guest interviews with people who have lived this work, not just studied it. Because growth doesn't come from pushing harder. It comes from understanding how you adapted, honoring your nervous system, and gently updating the old agreements that no longer fit the life you're ready to live. If you're ready to stop hiding, stop performing, and start owning who you are becoming, then you are in the right place. Let's grow tall together Hello, and welcome back to Growing Tall Poppies, and to the second of our conversations with Dr. Nat. I'm really glad you're here and that you came back to join me again this week. And if you're new here, welcome. I am super excited that you're joining me and that you've found your way here Can I ask you something? If I suddenly gave you an entire week with absolutely nothing that you had to do, no work, no emails, no cooking, no cleaning, no caring for anybody else Would you actually know how to rest? Great question, isn't it? When was the last time that you rested without feeling guilty? Not because you were sick, not because you're on holidays, just because you wanted to Hmm. Would your mind immediately start looking for something productive to do? I wonder if even hearing that question, something inside you immediately tightened and started justifying why you don't rest Hmm. I've been thinking about that question a lot this year Maybe you've finally got a quiet Saturday, probably pretty rare in your world, and instead of enjoying it, you decide to clean out the pantry, rearrange the cupboards, answer a few emails, get yourself a bit ahead for Monday. Not because anyone asked you to But because sitting still somehow feels wrong. You know what I mean, don't you? Or maybe it's Sunday afternoon, like it is now and you finally sit down. You make yourself a cuppa. Got mine right here I want you to get yourself comfortable and grab your cuppa as well. You know what I mean. Sunday afternoon, you finally sit down, you make yourself a cuppa. You open a book, and before you've even read that very first page, your brain starts talking. "Oh, I really should fold that washing. Oh, I didn't reply to that email. Oh, gosh, tomorrow is Monday again," and that sense of dread starts to come in. "I really should meal prep to get ready for the week. I haven't exercised today. Ugh, the house needs cleaning." Suddenly, resting just doesn't feel restful anymore, does it? It actually feels really uncomfortable And you know what I've noticed over all the years of doing this work? Very few women ever tell me, "I'm really good at resting." What they tell me instead is, "I feel guilty when I rest. I just feel like I should be doing something constantly. I'll sit down once this is finished I just need to get through this week Only, you know what happens. This week somehow turns into next week, then next month and next year and before you know it, you've spent years waiting for a moment that just never arrives And I wonder If that's because we've misunderstood what rest actually is. We tend to think of rest as something we earn, something that comes after the work is done, after everyone else is okay, after we've ticked everything off the list The trouble is that list is never finished. There's always another email, another load of washing, another client, another thing to do for the kids' school another birthday, another responsibility. You know the drill. So rest sometimes tends to become something that always belongs to a future version of us, never the version of you sitting here today And that's a thing that I think has fascinated me the most. Sometimes it isn't just that we don't rest Sometimes rest actually feels extremely uncomfortable. Not because we don't want it, but because we've become so used to being productive, so used to being needed, so used to carrying responsibility, that that stillness feels unfamiliar And our nervous system will almost always choose what feels familiar over unfamiliar, even if what's familiar is absolutely exhausting You know, I don't think that women have a productivity problem. I think that many of us have a permission problem Somewhere along the way we learned that rest had to be earned and we stopped asking ourselves one really important question Who taught me that? Hmm. That question has stayed with me for a long time And then something happened last year that helped me understand it in a way that I never had before Can I share something really personal? Last year, our family finally took the holiday that we'd been dreaming about for years. We went to Europe. We'd planned it for so long. It was gonna be our last big family holiday where mom and dad paid for everything, before the kids went off into their own lives. And if I'm honest, I think I wanted to make up for something The previous decade had been incredibly hard after everything that's happened with my own health and trauma, and they'd carried so much alongside me I really just wanted to give them this beautiful experience But on the second day, our daughter became really sick, and I don't mean just a little unwell. I mean doctors, medical centers in Paris, hospitals and emergency treatment in Zurich and through Switzerland There was no rest Of course I was heartbroken for her. Of course I wish things had been different. But if I'm completely honest, something else really surprised me Stepping back into that mum mode actually felt familiar, and being needed felt familiar. Organizing appointments, talking to doctors, solving problems, holding everything and everyone together. That part strangely felt easier than resting ever has And I remember thinking, "What does that say about me?" It wasn't that I wanted my daughter to be sick, of course not. It was that my nervous system knew exactly what to do in a crisis. It knew how to perform. It knew how to carry. It knew how to hold everyone else didn't really know how to simply receive And that hurt It wasn't until our Canada trip this year that I actually finally experienced the holiday I'd imagined And you know what surprised me? It took more than a week before I actually relaxed. Well, that probably didn't surprise me too much, 'cause I've never been one for relaxing and really winding down. But not because Canada wasn't beautiful. More so because my body didn't know how. And when I finally did, I realized just how tired I really was. Not physically, really deeply, deep within my bones. The kind of tired you don't notice until your nervous system finally feels safe enough to stop And I realized something We often think we're exhausted because we've been doing too much, but sometimes we're exhausted because we've forgotten how to stop doing I wonder would you expect your best friend to earn her rest? Or is that standard only reserved for you? Yeah, I thought so. I don't actually think most women have a productivity problem. I think many of us have a permission problem And that permission problem doesn't usually begin in adulthood. It begins much earlier than that, when we quietly learn that our value comes from what we do rather than simply from who we are. So we begin earning our place, earning approval, earning love, earning rest, until eventually we forget those things were never ours to earn in the first place Many of us learned rest comes after productivity Rest comes after everyone else is okay Rest comes after we've earned it And the problem is that day never arrives. Our nervous system always chooses what's familiar, as I said, over what's unfamiliar, even if what's familiar is exhausting And your nervous system can quietly begin to associate being busy with being worthy So if you've spent years linking achievement with love usefulness, with belonging productivity, with safety then stillness can feel surprisingly vulnerable Before we finish our conversation today, can I leave you with three gentle things to notice again this week? Not to change, just to notice. So the first, number one, notice how often you tell yourself, "I'll just do one more thing." And just notice how quickly you fill any empty space And the second, number two, the next time you have an hour free I want you to notice whether your first instinct is to rest or to become productive Just be curious and finally number three I want you to ask yourself Who taught me that rest had to be earned I wonder how long it's been since you asked yourself that So maybe rest isn't the reward Maybe rest is part of being human and maybe the woman you're becoming isn't someone who can carry more Maybe she's someone who finally believes she doesn't have to Maybe the life that you've been longing for doesn't begin when everything is finally done Maybe it begins the moment you stop believing that you have to earn the right to enjoy it Maybe the guilt you've carried every time you've slowed down was something that you inherited rather than something you chose And maybe the greatest act of courage isn't pushing through. Maybe it's allowing yourself to pause before your body has to force you to If this conversation felt like it was speaking directly to something you've never quite been able to put into words, please know that you're not alone And if someone came to mind while you were listening, someone who's always looking after everyone else, then send this episode to them. It might just be the permission that they didn't realize they were waiting for. So until next time, take gentle care of yourself. And remember, you don't have to earn your rest. You don't have to earn your worth, and you never did Keep standing tall and keep shining your light brightly in the world Have a great week Bye for now Thank you for spending this time with me on Growing Tall Poppies. My hope is that today's episode has offered you something more than insight, that it's helped you feel a little more connected to who you are now, a little more trusting of your body, and a little more permission to stand tall without shrinking or forcing yourself forward. Post-traumatic growth isn't about fixing yourself or returning to who you once were. It's about understanding how you adapted, honoring your nervous system, and gently choosing what no longer needs to come with you. New episodes of Growing Tall Poppies are released weekly. every Tuesday, and I'd love for you to continue walking this path with us as we explore identity after adversity, integrity, invisibility wounds, nervous system wisdom, and what it truly means to grow forward grounded, aligned, and embodied. If this episode resonated, I invite you to subscribe, follow, share it with someone that you feel might need it, or simply take a quiet moment to reflect on what's ready to move forward for you. You can also find me on Instagram @drnatgreen, on Facebook at Dr. Natalie Green, or over on YouTube at Dr. Nat Green. And remember, you don't need to rush, and you don't need to hide anymore. Stay connected, stay true, and keep standing tall like the tall poppy you are. I'll see you in the next episode. Bye for now.