I Thought It Was a Strategy Problem... But It Was a Nervous System Trust Pattern

What if it’s not a strategy problem… but a safety pattern?

In this episode, Dr Nat Green shares a powerful insight from a recent mastermind retreat — a moment that completely reframed what she thought was holding her back.

Going in, Nat believed she needed better systems, structure, and processes.

What she uncovered instead?

A deeper trust pattern rooted in nervous system safety.

🌿 In this episode, we explore:

•  Why what looks like a strategy problem is often a nervous system issue
•  The hidden reason high-functioning women struggle to delegate, let go, or trust support
•  How control and over-responsibility can be adaptive safety responses 
•  Why patterns don’t simply disappear — they can reveal themselves again at deeper levels of growth
•  The connection between body tension (shoulders, neck, back) and holding responsibility 
•  How your Archetypes of Transformation© shape your patterns of control and trust 

🔥 Key insight:

You don’t stay stuck because you don’t know what to do.

You stay stuck because a part of your system…

👉 doesn’t yet feel safe to let go.

🧠 Reflect on this:

•  Where are you holding more than you need to? 
•  Where are you controlling instead of trusting? 
•  What doesn’t feel safe to release yet? 

🎧 This episode is for you if:

•  You’ve “done the work” but still feel stuck 
•  You struggle to delegate or let go 
•  You feel like you’re carrying everything 
•  You’re a high-functioning woman who looks fine… but feels the pressure underneath 

🔗 Ready to go deeper?

Discover your unique pattern with the Archetypes of Transformation quiz
👉 here 

If this episode resonates with you then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen

Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Transcript

Speaker 3 0:04

Welcome to Growing Tall Poppies, thrive After Trauma. I'm your host, Dr. Nat Green, and I am so excited to have you join me as we discuss what it means to navigate your way through trauma. Or significant challenges and not just survive, but to thrive after it. This is a space for people who've been through trauma or adversity, have done some healing, and know they're meant for more than just coping. This podcast is about post-traumatic growth, not getting back to who you used to be. Rather, understanding who you are now and learning how to stand tall without shrinking, forcing, or abandoning yourself. Here we explore identity after adversity, integrity and visibility wounds, nervous system wisdom. And what it really takes to move forward. In a way that feels aligned, embodied, and true, you'll hear a blend of deep solo conversations and powerful guest interviews with people who have lived this work, not just studied it, because growth doesn't come from pushing harder. It comes from understanding how you adapted. Honoring your nervous system and gently updating the old agreements that no longer fit the life you are ready to live. If you're ready to stop hiding, stop performing, and start owning who you are becoming, then you are in the right place. Let's grow tall together.

Dr Nat Green 1:56

Hello, and welcome back to this week's episode of Growing Tall Poppies, thrive After Trauma. I'm so grateful that you are tuning in and that you're continuing to be part of this amazing community today. I wanna talk about something that's come up in the last week. It's funny, isn't it? How you can be doing so much work on your business, looking at what needs to change, what needs to improve, what needs to be more efficient, and you are convinced, absolutely convinced that you've identified the problem. And then. Hmm, not quite. You realize that you were looking completely in the wrong place? Well, I had one of these moments this past weekend. I've just come back from an amazing mastermind retreat with a really beautiful, small group of brilliant women. A lot of trust. A lot of depth, a lot of amazing connection, a space where you can actually do real work, not surface level conversations, but the kind of work where things truly shift, where neural pathways change and where patterns become more visible.'cause once we see them, we can change them. And going into the retreat, I thought I was all over it. I knew exactly what I needed to work on. But we all know at these type of gatherings and retreats, things never quite work out quite like that, do they? I thought I was there to work on systems, processes, and capacity, because if I'm honest, it's always been a bit of a sticking point for me. I avoid systems like the plague. I resist structure, and I had a story around that. Of course I did. That systems felt restrictive and that they will limit me. So I went in thinking this is exactly what I need to fix. And as day one unfolded and we set the scene and I start working on those, planning all that out, as we start doing the work, it went deeper and a bit deeper and there were tears. The ugly crying sort. A lot of emotion, and mostly some very real moments. And as my amazing mentor kept digging and digging and digging, what became clear was that this wasn't about systems at all. It was about trust. And that hit home really hard because it wasn't obvious, and I thought I'd already done so much work on this, but when I really looked, I could see it everywhere. It showed up as doing things myself, not fully letting go, holding really high standards and feeling like I had to stay in control. And on the surface, that can look like high capability leadership, high performance, high level of functioning, but underneath there was a lack of trust. Not consciously, but in the way that my system was operating. It's safer if I just do this myself. It's safer if I stay in control, and that was a confronting moment.'cause if I'm really honest, I thought as I said that I'd already done that work, but this is the part that I really wanna speak into because this is what I see all the time. You can do years of work, deep, deep, inner work, healing, personal development, and still find another layer and another layer, not because you've failed, but because you've reached a level where you can now see it and are ready for what comes next. And that, that's exactly what this was for me, not a new problem. A deeper layer of an old one, and what really struck me was how clearly this showed up in my body. I've had this ongoing tension in my shoulders, my neck, my back, particularly my right back area, the shoulder. That feeling now that I can connect the dots of carrying everything and it clicked, that's exactly where I hold control. That's exactly where I hold responsibility, and that is exactly where I've held the weight of everything. And even though I've done the work cognitively, my nervous system was still holding it.'cause we know that the body keeps the score and until that shifts, the pattern stays. Even though it might show up in different ways. And once you find it, then you can do something about it. So my aim in the next couple of weeks is to really look at. Using TRE to apply that to the gentle release of the tension I'm carrying in that area in my nervous system, and this is where my archetypes come in. When I reflected on this, it was so clear. My authentic warrior has been holding the line, staying strong and carrying that weight. And my empowered trailblazer, pushing forward, taking action and not stopping. And the shadow side of both of these archetypes, control over responsibility, over functioning, and not fully trusting. And it was almost laughable later that night when I was back in my room reflecting because it was so obvious once I saw it. So this is a piece I really want you to hear. This wasn't a strategy problem, it was a trust pattern and more specifically, a nervous system safety pattern because this isn't about, I need better systems. It's about do I feel safe enough to let go? Or do I feel safe enough to trust? And if the answer is no, your system will compensate by holding more, controlling more, and doing more. So if you're listening to this and you feel like, I know what I need to do, but I'm not doing it, or I keep hitting that same ceiling. I want you to consider this. What if it's not a strategy problem? What if it's a safety pattern? And what if there's a part of you that doesn't yet feel safe to let go? So here's something to sit with. Where in your life are you holding more than you need to? Controlling more than you want to or doing things yourself when you really don't have to. And instead of asking, how do I fix this? Ask what doesn't feel safe here yet? Because that question changes everything because the truth is. Your next level isn't going to come from doing more. It's going to come from releasing what you don't need to carry anymore and creating the safety to do that. And sometimes the biggest shift isn't in what you do, it's in what you finally allow yourself to let go of. So, yeah, it's been quite a big week. It was a wonderful mastermind retreat, and after digging really deeply by day two, I'd managed to come up with a way to move forward and really clear things to work on. And start to come up with some systems and processes that will help me work through those old nervous system patterns. So I'm really looking forward to what will unfold over the next few weeks. But I also wanted to share with you that I'm really excited to be heading off on a bucket list trip this week. Actually head off tomorrow, and I'm so excited about what this will do for my nervous system, for my trust, for my self trust, as I continue to work on breaking old long held patterns. And starting to challenge those old patterns. So my next episode may well be brought to you from the Canadian Rockies, or sailing towards Alaska. So it may be from a laptop rather than my usual office with my microphone. So I just wanted to let you know that it's sometimes. When we are ready to wind down, enjoy a bit of time off that some of this old stuff might surface, and that is a wonderful opportunity to do this work in a different environment and really put some of these things to the test. So that's it from me for this week. Just remember to keep standing tall, like the tall poppy that you were always meant to be, and keep shining your light brightly in the world. Have a great one. Speak to you next week. Bye for now. Thank you for spending this time with me on growing tall poppies. My hope is that today's episode has offered you something more than insight, that it's helped you feel a little more connected to who you are now, a little more trusting of your body, and a little more permission to stand tall without shrinking or forcing yourself forward. Post-traumatic growth isn't about fixing yourself or returning to who you once were. It's about understanding how you adapted, honoring your nervous system, and gently choosing what no longer needs to come with you. New episodes of growing Tall poppies are released weekly. Every Tuesday, and I'd love for you to continue walking this path with us as we explore identity after adversity, integrity and visibility wounds, nervous system wisdom. And what it truly means to grow forward, grounded, aligned, and embodied. If this episode resonated, I invite you to subscribe, follow, share it with someone that you feel might need it, or simply take a quiet moment to reflect on what's ready to move forward. For you. You can also find me on Instagram at Dr. Nat Green on Facebook at Dr. Natalie Green or over on YouTube at Dr. Nat Green. And remember, you don't need to rush and you don't need to hide anymore. Stay connected, stay true, and keep standing tall like the tall poppy you are. I'll see you in the next episode. Bye for now.