From Trauma-Fueled Ambition to Authentic Impact

In this powerful episode of Growing Tall Poppies, host Dr. Nat Green welcomes mentor and friend Melanie Benson to the show. Melanie, an expert in helping visionary leaders turn their brilliance into profitable visibility, shares her profound journey through personal trauma and professional growth. With over two decades of experience and a top 1% ranking podcast, Melanie discusses the deep-seated trauma that fueled her relentless ambition and the pivotal moments that led to her healing and transformation. 

Listeners are invited to explore their own paths through Melanie’s insights on nervous system regulation, human design, and the power of integrating their experiences as pathways to becoming extraordinary leaders in their fields. Discover how to harness your inner strength, overcome obstacles, and make an unforgettable impact in the world.

Listen to Melanie Benson for an unfiltered, heart-expanding conversation about what really lies beneath chronic burnout, autoimmune illness, and the hustle to prove our worth.

Together, they explore how trauma—especially when left unacknowledged—becomes the silent driver behind overachievement, people-pleasing, and the need to control. Melanie vulnerably shares her own story of childhood trauma, chronic illness, and financial breakdown… and how these crises became catalysts for profound healing, reinvention, and purpose-driven leadership.

This conversation is a must-listen for high-performing women, coaches, therapists, and business leaders who are done performing success while silently struggling—and ready to reclaim their wholeness, and lead with sustainable impact.

💬 In this episode, you’ll hear:

• How unhealed trauma can manifest as overachievement, burnout, and autoimmune illness
• The moment Melanie realized her body was no longer willing to hustle for success
• Why childhood survival strategies often show up in business and leadership
• The grief of letting go of the old identity—and the freedom that follows
• The messy middle of reinvention and allowing yourself to not have it all together
• The healing power of becoming a “bonus mom” and breaking generational cycles
• Melanie’s tools for navigating visibility, intuition, and rebuilding from a place of truth
• A loving reminder that you are not behind—you’re on the edge of becoming

🔗 Connect with Melanie :

🌐 MelanieBenson.com
🎧 Amplify Your Success Podcast

FREE Resource

Melanie's BIO 

If this episode resonates with you then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen

Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Transcript

Dr Nat Green: 0:01

Welcome to the Growing Tall Poppies Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Nat Green, and I'm so excited to have you join me as we discuss what it means to navigate your way through post-traumatic growth and not just survive, but to thrive after trauma. Through our podcast, we will explore ways for you to create a life filled with greater purpose, self-awareness, and a deep inner peace. Through integrating the many years of knowledge and professional experience, as well as the wisdom of those who have experienced trauma firsthand. We'll combine psychology accelerated approaches. Coaching and personal experience to assist you, to learn, to grow and to thrive. I hope to empower you to create deeper awareness and understanding and stronger connections with yourself and with others, whilst also paving the way for those who have experienced trauma and adversity to reduce their suffering and become the very best versions of themselves. In order to thrive. Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode. I'm super excited and grateful today to bring you our next guest on the Growing Tall Poppies podcast. It's my absolute pleasure to welcome an amazing lady who I am privileged to have as a trusted mentor, and to now call a beautiful friend. And I was trying to work out how long I've known her. I think it might be since 2012, I think. So quite a while. And we have such a beautiful relationship and I'm so grateful and she has experienced her own considerable trauma and adversity throughout her life and has agreed to come and chat with us today about her. Personal and professional experience and to share her wisdom with us. So let me start by welcoming Melanie Benson. Melanie is the go-to authority amplifier for expert preneurs who are ready to become unignorable. With over two decades of experience helping experts and visionary leaders break out of best kept secret mode, Melanie specializes in turning overlooked brilliance into profitable visibility with high value clients ready to say yes. A pioneer in the podcasting world. Melanie hosts The Amplify Your Success Podcast ranked in the top 1% globally. And I can tell you it is an amazing podcast where she shares her proven visibility and monetization strategies. She's the author of Rewired for Wealth and co-author of entrepreneur dot com's startup guide to starting an information marketing business. Her work has been spotlighted in Authority Magazine, Bloomberg Business Week Woman's Day, and Parenting. Through her signature Authority Accelerator, she'll help you claim your lighthouse message and borrow million dollar visibility streams so you rise above the noise and get seen, heard and paid. Whew. What a bio. This really is a powerhouse, amazing woman. So welcome, Melanie.

Melanie Benson: 3:34

Thank you, Nat. It's always so fun to hear back how people introduce you, and I'm like, oh my gosh. And yes, we have known each other for a very long time and I have been very privileged to watch you go through your own transformation and to really bring. This extraordinary work out into the world, and I'm just thrilled to be here. Thank you for the invitation.

Dr Nat Green: 3:57

Oh, thank you. I've been waiting for this moment for a very long time. So I know I gave your formal bio and went through all of that, but can we start with you maybe giving us a brief introduction of who you are and what you do in the world?

Melanie Benson: 4:15

I am into human design as we were giggling about in the green Room. And I would say I, as a manifester in human design, I'm what's known as a spark. And what I believe my brilliance on this planet is I spark the pure brilliance in other people and then help them learn how to bring it out into the world. So it's making them money, but it's also making an impact and it's really. Aligned. And as a business leader, doing this work is one of these things that constantly keeps me evolving and growing, but it's also super fulfilling as a human outside of business. I am, a married, lady. I live in Southern California and I have two bonus children. Interestingly enough, being a bonus mom at this stage of my life, that was one of the places I had to do a lot of healing. I had my own microtraumas and challenges in that area growing up. And so saying yes to parenting and being an influence in these exquisite people's lives was. It was a growing opportunity for me, so that as on, on a personal level is constantly keeping me, on my edge as well, you might say. And I'm a dog mom, so I have my two little fluff babies who are constantly at my feet.

Dr Nat Green: 5:38

You do. I know, and I love watching your pictures of your beautiful doggies, and I know you've been a lover and a beautiful dog mom for a very long time, and I love, and it's the first time, and maybe it's more an American thing than an Australian thing. The very first time I heard you refer to yourself as a bonus mom, I thought, that's interesting and it makes so much sense. I love that, that you never try to take the place of children's mom, but you can be a bonus mom, and it's just another beautiful layer. But I imagine it comes with a lot of personal work that needs to be done as well along the way.

Melanie Benson: 6:23

Yeah I didn't want to. Recreate the experiences I had on the reciprocating side of being someone's stepchild and the step piece always just felt. A disconnect to me. I didn't want that energy. Like I wanted them to feel like I was a bonus in their life. And it's really cute. My young, my youngest bonus child, he, when he gives me cards for Mother's Day, we actually have bonus mom day, but he will actually put bonus. Mom,

Dr Nat Green: 6:52

I love it so much.

Melanie Benson: 6:54

Yeah. It's just, it's really worked for us and our family and it's just felt energetically more aligned than putting the step parent into it.

Dr Nat Green: 7:03

I get exactly what you mean when you say it's that disconnect. I have a stepmom and she's beautiful, but even just saying it, it's like almost just say it's my mom because she has taken on a mother role. So I love that bonus. Mom is so beautiful and so you,

Melanie Benson: 7:21

thanks. Yeah, I love that. Yeah.

Dr Nat Green: 7:24

So as we know the guests that I get. And privileged enough to bring on the show have usually experienced trauma or layers of trauma. And let's be real, the majority of people have been through something in their life and they are kind enough to share their experience around what happened, how it impacted their lives. So I'm wondering if you could share an overview of what has happened for you.

Melanie Benson: 7:52

Yeah. So I am one of those people that, that old saying you peel the onion and you find the next layer. I definitely was am an onion and have had multiple onion layers peeled away. And I will, I'm gonna start with today and go backwards because. It wasn't until I hit my menopause years and was exploring my health and recognizing that there was some, an undercurrent that I could never quite grasp that it turned me to looking at. There's something else that I'm not aware of and somebody in my family was doing their own exploration. Uncovered that there was some abuse by a significant person in our lives as children, a parent, and that kind of like. Unearthed me. It, it just rocked my world because I thought as a teenager that I had done the work. I thought I had uncovered what the trauma was. It was benign compared to what was revealed later. And so I don't have any memory of it. I don't have any conscious awareness. I have an energetic awareness. Okay. And I recognize now that there have been so many phases of my life that were driven, I call it this trauma fueled ambition that I was constantly overperforming high achieving being an exceller at everything I did in order to compensate. For this deep wound inside the essence of my being. And it wasn't until, and I thought I had worked on it, I have been in so many therapy sessions. I have been through coaching, I have done NLP transformation work, I have done, you name it, I have done the personal development program. I really feel like it gave me powerful tools, but what it didn't do was get me to the root because I was always solving the surface problem, not really the what was at the root of it. And so I think that. Lack of understanding of what was trapped in a very deep recess of my mind, and not having the clarity of what actually occurred created this this. Dissonance of I, I am going to be the best version of me. I've learned all these tools. I'm a high achiever, and yet there was always an anchor that was attached that was keeping me stuck at a certain level that I could never get past. And I think, this part of my story that. As I really got into business, my first year was tragic. It was hard. I couldn't outrun my limiting beliefs and all of the embedded conditioning of struggle. And I went through my NLP training and I was exposed to tools that literally transformed. Who I was being on this planet NLP, meaning neurolinguistic programming. If you're listening and you're unfamiliar with that term, and I basically was given the keys to the kingdom of how to rise above the conditioning that I felt was constantly like quicksand pulling me under. And I created a massively successful multiple six stretching into almost hitting seven figure business. And yet if you understand trauma, you know you can't outperform your trauma.

Dr Nat Green: 11:29

Yes.

Melanie Benson: 11:30

And I hit the trifecta or probably the 10 fecta, if that's a thing. The perfect storm of all of the accumulation of unresolved trauma triggers, identity wounds, all of the stuff, and hit this massive landmine where I literally had my partner who was growing my business with me, walk out of the business and at that moment. And I was not blameless for sure, but it triggered all of my stuff. And instead of having the tools that worked for me to go, okay, how are we gonna navigate this? I just imploded. Yeah. And it was those. Days in that quagmire of confusion and trauma and being activated. And I was like, what is happening? That activated my autoimmune issues and my thyroid tanked and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So all of the things started crashing, and that's when I. Got to look at, okay, what's really going on under the hood and am I really at the root of the issues? And it took another 10 years before the truth came out that I could actually go, oh, okay, now I get it. Now I get why all this stuff constantly pulled me under. Yeah. But I feel sometimes, and I know this is what your work is so beautiful at Nat is that you, you look at the triumph in the trauma. What's the gift, what is the healing? And first of all, going through that phase when my own business tumbled and I had to recalibrate who I was gonna be, I feel like there was always a part missing in my coaching up until that time.

Dr Nat Green: 13:15

Okay.

Melanie Benson: 13:15

And the part that was missing was a deep empathy. I had awareness and understanding, and I could hold space, but I was missing some empathy. And all of a sudden I am being exposed to a world of nervous system regulation and trauma healing and understanding this range of what trauma does on with at a whole nother level. And I started to become aware why so many of my clients struggled with being successful. And instead of going work harder, let's get some productivity tools. Let's rewire the neurons so they fire properly. I'm like, oh. Yes, this is going to require a totally different kind of transformation.

Dr Nat Green: 13:59

Very powerful. I, I begin to think where we should start to unpack that Amazing, multilayer component of what you just said. I think one thing that really stands out is, yes, there's that gift in the trauma that it feels horrendous while you're in it. But as we know that our body sends us messages when we are not listening. We get the autoimmune disorders, the thyroid issues, the exhaustion, the burnout. And I know that you've experienced burnout over the years as well, and not just once, but came back. And came back because, as you said, the root cause hadn't been dealt with. As you've gone through when you've identified, oh, there's something deeper here, there's something deeper here, and done the work, what do you think one of the key factors for you was to see that missing piece?

Melanie Benson: 15:05

So I'm not sure this is the answer to the question you're asking, so if I don't get to that, let me know. But what's coming up for me right now is tying back to this idea of trauma fueled ambition. Yes. Because when your trauma is fueling your goals and your dreams and it's like sparking this desire to do more and be more what I think happens sometimes is you align yourself to what's possible, even if it's not aligned with your energetic truth and. I for many years, I used the model of the role modeling elements of NLP and hypnosis and to really look at the calibration of who do I need to become to have that yes, instead of what is the most energetically expansive version of me. And what am I here to do? And I'm not saying the other thing is bad, it does serve a purpose. It can be a jumpstart, right? Yes. It can be an activator, it can help you evaluate where you have maybe dormant strengths that you could activate. But where I went awry in all that is I was letting my trauma fuel it, which meant. Being in performance mode. Being in high productivity at the expense of the energetic healing I needed to do maybe gaslighting myself and not even like really honoring. The truth that was emerging in my body, part of the reason my business imploded when I look back and I now look at it through the compassion and the grace of trauma healing and recognizing what trauma does to the brain, I was stretching into such an outrageously big financial. Goal, and I was overextending myself and my body was going, Nope, not the right move. And I was like, oh, fear's talking. Let's like not listen to fear and put it in the box. Called like fear. Fear is fear. And yet do it anyway. No, I was speaking to my truth that there was a disconnect and an out of alignment peace that I gaslit myself all the way into massive financial destruction.

Dr Nat Green: 17:29

Wow. And it was really devastating. Oh, it would've been absolutely heartbreaking so I can only imagine how devastating that would've been when you'd worked so hard to build things up and you thought you were honoring everything that you were working for. You describe that really well, that we just put that fear to the side because at a surface level, we think, no, we just keep working harder, work harder because, and you've taught me this very much when I've had to do my own work with you, that moving away from. Rather than moving towards, so you were out running, trying to outrun your trauma. The same as I have done many times. Keep going, work harder, but we know that is in contrast to what our body energetically needs and what our nervous system is holding.

Melanie Benson: 18:29

Oh my gosh, I'm getting chills if we'd only known this now. That's like rewind. But that's that. This is our path and this is how we have empathy. This is how we hold space for people who are up in it, is like we now could look back with compassionate empathy and grace for those versions of ourselves. But yes, at the time I was just keep going forward and I was also the only. Earner like I was the financial responsibility for my wellbeing. And the, so you're, and I understand this so much, especially in women who are the sole providers. There's this I have to perform. I can't let the thing that I've built crash combined with, I don't know if I can hold this anymore. My energetic system is. Falling apart and I'm crumbling trying to hold this together and it's not working anymore. And that's where I believe our energetic body starts to push back and say, Nope, we're taking a break. So that dance, as I know you're familiar with it as well, has been really my greatest teacher.

Dr Nat Green: 19:41

Yes, that having to stop to rest, to take a break, that I know for me has been, that was my greatest gift because I had never stopped full on A DHD. You keep going and you never stop. But it wasn't working and I love that you were able to recognize that. So tell us a bit about what happened when you stopped and you pivoted.

Melanie Benson: 20:09

And I'll be fully transparent, like I never stopped, but I allowed an evolution to occur and I fought it. I held wanted to hold so deeply onto what had worked before, and I realized actually I had a huge awareness a few years ago. That me trying to hold on to the success of before was actually the greatest barrier to the evolution of what was pulling me forward. Because when we're, and I've been doing some messaging around this lately on my socials, is like when you're filtering your future work through the messaging of who you've been. It's a disconnect, right? Like it, it's going to have this energetic flatness to it. And I had to create, I had to let go of what I was trying to get back to.'cause that's really what it was. I'm trying to get back to this and then I had to realize like there is no this to get back to that does not exist anymore. The identity of that person. And part of what was wrapped up in this Nat and I know you talk about this a lot, there was shame. Oh, I had extraordinary shame for being the version of myself that didn't have it all figured out because I was given the message very early on in my career by very successful people. You don't hang your dirty laundry. You are the person who, you're a rising star. So if you are crashing, what does that mean for the rest of us? Oh. I even had one of my best friends is a super famous author. And really well known. And I remember her saying one time like, oh no, you don't talk about that because you have to make sure everybody knows you have your shit together. Yay. Hopefully I can say that here.

Dr Nat Green: 21:59

Oh, you can say that here. Absolutely. And have you heard I have you met me?

Melanie Benson: 22:04

Yes. Just making sure. But yeah, and I, and so I had all of this conflict about, because I wanted to share. Then when I did share, I had so much shame and I would have people like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm like, oh my God. The vulnerability shame is off the charts. And really it's because I wasn't, I was sharing too much from the open, gaping wound. Not enough from a healed place, but also I hadn't gotten the shame process through, and I don't even know that I fully have. But now I've. I've come to a place of acceptance and grace and knowing that everything that I've experienced on this journey as a human, but also as a business owner has made me so much better at what I do to hold, to be able to walk in the fire with people who are in it and don't know what to do. And not to pull back from it or judge it, but to be in it with these leaders who it's like, holy crap, everything I've been working for just fell apart. And I'm like, yeah, and guess what? Here's where we are. We're integrating. We're not repelling, we're not pulling forward, we're integrating, and that was the key for me, is integrating what do I need to integrate from this journey, from the pain, from the trauma, from the awarenesses that I had, parts of me that really weren't probably what I wanted them to be, but could I accept that and integrate that into the wholeness of the power and the value and the great work that I do for people and for myself and my family.

Dr Nat Green: 23:37

Oh, I love that so much gold. Absolute gold nuggets in there. Let me start with something that you touched on then, which I am a firm believer on, is that whole realizing that you were trying to go back to that old version of you, and that's what I see so often and I know our listeners will relate to really that I wanna get back to who I used to be, but what we know is. The absolute reality is that we are never gonna be that person again. And it's really important to know that, to hear that and go, okay, I'm not gonna be that person again. But that's okay because we take the experiences we've had, the lessons, the learnings, the gifts from that experience and the trauma, and it helps us move into recognizing. How to be the best version of ourselves authentically. And that's the next part that you touched on, that whole being who you are and not showing that, not showing up as you authentically and truly who you were does a lot of damage, doesn't it? As you found out, as I found out that until we embody that. We work through the layers and there's lots of layers of that shame and go, okay, I can show a little bit of me. People can see it. And if the world didn't blow up by showing a little bit of ourselves, we might show a little bit more and a little bit more.

Melanie Benson: 25:21

There's so much gold in what you just said, and this is one of the reasons why I love the work you're bringing out into the world so much because you are providing tools for the part of the journey that most people don't access. And one of the things that really worked for me. I was in a very personal experience of letting go of the relationship I had with certain family members that was toxic and draining and energetic depleting that kept me in this really uncomfortable, horrific anxiety loop all the time. And I finally got to this place where I'm like, if this was a friend. We would not be friends, would not be holding onto this. Like, why am I holding onto this so deeply? And all of a sudden it unraveled all the ways in which I was holding onto. I need to get back to this version from my safety net, from my own security. And what if I allowed that to be a new norm and I fell in love with the norm that was becoming what would be possible? And so it happened in a few steps, but what I realized was in my business, I wanted to get to certainty in my personal relationships. I was trying to get back to what felt good in the past. None of it existed anymore. There wasn't certainty in that, but what I could do is accept the new norm. I could really get present to this is where we are now. What's next? What am I willing, who am I willing to become in order to usher in a new version, a new norm that feels aligned with where I'm going now? And it was such a really powerful awareness and journey for me. It made me stronger, it helped my resilience. It also helped me shed some things that I was holding onto that just didn't serve me anymore. And I was like, okay, I don't have to keep tracking this stuff with me where I'm going next.

Dr Nat Green: 27:19

Yes, definitely. Because as we peel back those layers and we start to step into who we're becoming, as you said, rather than who we were and move towards, it changes everything, doesn't it? And I love what you said about not coming from that gaping wound. Those wounds are still there, but we can work on healing them. And you've obviously done a lot of work around that and it's been a work in progress and it's a journey and it's always still a journey, isn't it?

Melanie Benson: 27:53

Yeah. And I really believe that the tools that we have and our toolbox have to grow as we. Grow as humans, but also uncover pieces that were like, oh, okay, here's a new piece that I get to look at. And so oftentimes we need new tools. And it was about that time that all the nervous system work was starting to really gain popularity. People were starting to talk about it more. I was watching some very high profile CEOs talk about how. Where they were going in their business could not be energetically sustained'cause the level of anxiety and having to make these difficult decisions, to have the pressure of performing, to have people looking to them to guide them and lead them where they were going. And I thought, wow, this is what I've been dealing with. But I felt like the lone wolf in this for a long time. Like I couldn't navigate the pressures of the responsibility of the leadership I had at that time. And so the energetic reboot, being able to give myself the grace to step away when I needed to, but also to incorporate breathing tools, energy management tools new conversations in my mind, and to really give, to be much more graceful with myself. Really, that was the cornerstone of it all. It's like I was really hard on myself. I could activate a shame loop at any moment, yes. And go down that rabbit hole, and yet that doesn't serve anybody, and it certainly is going to add to my energetic constriction.

Dr Nat Green: 29:29

And deplete your nervous system because as we know, that just stays stuck in there. Every bit of stress, particularly I know the background you have before you got into working for yourself was corporate, really high functioning, so huge levels of stress, performance, anxiety, that need to perform and be on, on all the time. What does that do to our nervous systems? It's not good for us, is it?

Melanie Benson: 29:59

No. Although there are certain types of people that feed on that. And that can be there is one particular human design type that that always on piece. There is a current that works for them. However, most of us are not wired for that. And we need to be able to take time away. We need to be able to unplug. One of the things that helped me was understanding as a human design manifester that. I am built to be all in and then all out. And when I need to be all out, if I try and push myself, I'm gonna tank. And I had to really embrace, yes, you can push, but then you gotta give yourself space to reintegrate and to heal and to, to be in a lull and let that be okay.

Dr Nat Green: 30:47

I know you are a huge fan of human design and you opened my eyes to that world and I'm a manifesting generator. Yes. And I just, can I just ask then, if you are a manifester, for example, and you are on on, and then you need to pull out, if you don't get to switch off and remove yourself, what happens?

Melanie Benson: 31:16

Yeah, that's when I can get in a really dark place emotionally because what happens is. The frequency in which I'm building from the frequency in which I'm operating from is no longer from the spark of what's possible. It's out of obligation and force. And so it's, it will go deeper into depleting my already compromised energy system. And it also what happens is your motivation switches from moving towards something, as we were talking about earlier, to pushing away from something you're afraid of. And that pushing away is not sustainable. And that is that's like basically throwing me in the fire and it's like that I'm just gonna burn, not a good burn, but a really depleting burn. And I'm gonna burn through my life force at a catastrophically fast pace. And yeah, I can be depleted for weeks if I operate in that space.

Dr Nat Green: 32:15

Yeah. And that makes really good. Perfect sense. And no, it was very powerful moment for me when you taught me some of the human design. I was like, oh no, that can't be right. I can't be that, but of course I am. And it was very apt and very full on. So understanding that the same as, for me with the trauma archetype work, same sort of thing, when we have a core area that we can really know ourselves better than. Anyone else knows us and then we know ourselves normally is very powerful. When we get to know it and we use it the way it's meant for, it can work through our vulnerability, shame, it can go, ah, that's why I can't sustain this type of work. That's why I can't work in this way. It's not me. I'm not bad. Which we often go to, don't we? After some sort of trauma, we think there's something wrong with me. No, we're just not activating the healthiest parts of our human design, our trauma archetype, whatever it is.

Melanie Benson: 33:28

Yeah, I love that you're bringing up the, I, there feels like something that's broken in me and I certainly spent a lot of time trying to understand like why I felt like I was broken. And I think when you depending on your childhood experiences and or your adult experiences, at times you can have a conditioning around you that you're not enough. Yeah. That there's something fundamentally wrong with you because you're not meeting the expectations or living the way other people do. And I, I definitely incorporated all that as a small child. And so I think that was a big part of my trauma fueled ambition was like, I will prove them wrong. I am capable. And I think that crack that, that exists there it acts like a energy leak. And so your good energy is always gonna leak through your need to prove something. And I think when we are holding space for others, when we're doing healing work, we're doing therapy, we're doing coaching, we're holding these really big leadership spaces for what's possible in the world. When we have that crack, we're always gonna leak the good energy as well as let the bad energy have an influence over us. Yeah. So I think one of the reasons I love what you're doing with your ABS method and the trauma healing is you are actually incorporating the gifts so that you're not looking through the world through the lens of, I'm broken. There's something wrong with me. This happened to me. Nothing can get better, but you're looking through, okay, this happened. Now as we're talking about that in cor, that integration, guess what? I am now uniquely equipped to do this thing that is so needed and necessary. Like I was listening to some of your guests from previous weeks where they talked about these horrific things that happened to them, and yet they've turned it into these beautiful gifts of service and these programs and these ways that they are going to give life to other human beings. And so I feel like my gift is, I uniquely understand what it's like to be here to do something significant and yet to feel trapped by this unnamed trauma or these shackles that you don't understand. Or at least maybe a place where you're holding a piece of your amazing gift back'cause you're afraid of what could happen if you allow that part of yourself to be seen.

Dr Nat Green: 35:52

Oh yes, definitely. And I know that, I absolutely love the work that you do, and that feeds perfectly into that because what we do when we've been through trauma or are coming from that place of fear or gaping wounds, is we shrink ourselves. That's why they're growing tall poppies. It's about helping people grow and rise and not be ashamed of who they are. So by keeping small and shrinking, we keep ourselves invisible and hide from the world. So that's why I absolutely love the work that you do in the world, which is about. Helping be a lighthouse and shining light and guiding people with our messages. So I'd love for you to share a little bit about the work you now do, if that's okay.

Melanie Benson: 36:46

Oh yeah. I love that. Thank you. Again, integrating all the parts. I started this journey in this like high performance, how people attain productivity to achieve goals they didn't even know was possible. And then that turned into like how do you achieve these lifestyle type businesses? I just, it was like a fast burn for me. I was like, there's gotta be more to this. And as I went through my transformation, my, my own pain fueled evolution, I got really deep into the power of our mindset. And that's how we first met. Yeah. And I started to teach people the significant power of transforming our thoughts to transform our realities. And then I knew there was something more. And so what it's brought me to today is helping really amazing people who have expertise, but feel like they're stuck in this best kept secret mode. And what I get to do is help them really recognize what they're here to do, what they're known for, and how to express that so it's fully congruent and aligned with their power, and it makes them unignorable in their market. It makes them the go-to, like the person that only they can they serve these people and only they can do that work. And so it just transforms their confidence. It activates a power in them that didn't even know they had. And it gives them clarity of how to monetize these gifts that they're like I know I got this thing and I just dunno what it's supposed to do yet.

Dr Nat Green: 38:17

And yeah, don't. Know how to verbalize it as well, and I love that's what you've been able to help me with and many others that are in your Authority Accelerator program, which by the way, is amazing. If anyone's interested, go check it out.

Melanie Benson: 38:33

Thank you.

Dr Nat Green: 38:34

It's been very powerful in helping really fully embody who I am. And get clear on how I really am to bring my gift to the world and pay it forward. So like you said, all the guests that I have on are doing amazing things in the world from a place of adversity, trauma, and awful things, but they've turned that experience. Into a way to pay it forward and be of service to others. And that's really important to me and to the people that I get on the show. Yes.

Melanie Benson: 39:11

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. I've noticed that most of my clients too have had some kind of trauma or challenge that's caused them to hold a little piece of themselves back where it doesn't feel safe to be seen in a greater way for whatever reason, and so I've, that's how my trauma is really transforming my work in the world is recognizing it, being able to hold space for it to have new tools and again, the power of the podcast on both sides of the microphone as a host and a guest. But you've gotta be willing to be seen to really lean into it and make it work so.

Dr Nat Green: 39:44

And it's funny, isn't it? Because even though it's yes, I'm willing to be seen, there's still, with a podcast, you still don't have to be seen. Yeah. So it's that you can still hide out and have a podcast. So for me it's okay, I take that step, they can't see me. But that's what I love as well, that you can do it as a video and you can share that and be showing up more. So it's. Great transition for someone to start a podcast or guest on other people's podcasts without having to be seen all the time, but get the message out and then grow into that, isn't it?

Melanie Benson: 40:22

Yeah. And I think people underrate the power of taking baby steps. Yeah. And I, and when you do have trauma that you are navigating sometimes taking one little step and allowing yourself to anchor into that. Exactly what you need to do. Rather than try to take a big leap, completely unstabilize yourself and activate your nervous system. That was my go-to. Take a big leap. Holy crap, what have I done? I'm free falling here. And so that was what I thought it was supposed to look like. And now looking back, I know there's a time to leap and there's also a time that you need to anchor that next little step, that next little step. And both of them are valuable for different reasons at different times with different parts of the journey. Yes, and I think the biggest piece is to really get clear what am I here to do and what am I willing, what do I need to shift, or what am I willing to become to be able to do something of value? With this gift, with this knowledge, with this transformation, and turn that trauma into something that, that is a valuable resource. And not everybody's here to do that, by the way. No. You don't have to take your trauma and make it something. No, but I think those of us that feel that pull, it's I need to do something with this. Just knowing that there are resources to help you learn how to put it into something that is accessible and. It actually can activate your confidence to do that.

Dr Nat Green: 41:54

Beautifully said, and I, it's not. Missed on me that the majority of people that I have on the podcast and that listen to our podcast and reach out and send beautiful messages are high achieving professionals. And I think that

Melanie Benson: 42:12

seems to be my niche.

Dr Nat Green: 42:14

Yes, that desire to continue to move forward no matter what gets in our way. So huge. But like you said, it's that little dance of a little step and anchor it in and then the big leap. So there's a combination, not just a push, push because that will tip us over and activate our nervous systems and lead to burnout, exhaustion, and. And isn't pretty, as we all know. Yeah. So I think that balance is, you've beautifully articulated the little dance we need to do. That's very important.

Melanie Benson: 42:55

Yeah.

Dr Nat Green: 42:56

So what would you say, if you could share one thing with our listeners that would help them as they navigate post-trauma, that could help them move into post traumatic growth?

Melanie Benson: 43:16

I think it's just saying a start right where you are. I think becoming aware, where are you right now and. How does that feel? Do you feel the way you want to feel? And some of us are numb, right? We don't even know how we should feel. Yes. So you're not feeling lit up by something. You're like slugging through energy every day. You're going into your work feeling like it's a prison and you're having to do the obligations rather than what you're like the gift of what you're here to do, then. Yeah, you're probably not. Energetically congruent. And there's opportunity to get really clear, what do I need to integrate? Is there trauma that I need to heal? Is there an out of alignment that I'm in? And just get present to it. Getting present can be really flippin' scary, so don't try to do it alone. I've not done any of my healing on my own. I have. Spent extraordinary amounts of money healing. Nat, the program you have designed is extraordinary for people who are ready to incorporate their trauma into their transformation, and I highly recommend it to anybody who's in that space of burnout. And you're like, yeah, this is a big load to carry. I don't know if I'm ready for it. Do the work. Get your body, your mind, and your energy ready. For the work that you're here to do.'cause the world's calling us forward right now, Nat. It is. And for those of us that were like, I'm stepping in, like I'm gonna be part of the solution, I'm gonna be part of the transformation. Now's a really good time to prepare the vessel. Get ready.

Dr Nat Green: 44:59

Oh, I love that. Getting me excited. It gave me goosebumps when you said that, but it's, yes, it's so true. It's time for us to use our voice to do what we were born to do, and if we're not sure about that. Do the work, as you said, there's lots of ways, there's lots of outlets to do that you can go into your program and do your authority accelerator to get really clear on your message. Come to me and you can work on whatever still needs to be healed. It doesn't matter. But like you said, it's not about doing it alone. It's about having community. Having community around you is so important. And yeah, definitely community and mentorship.

Melanie Benson: 45:44

And mentorship. Yeah. Community and mentorship. Yes, absolutely.

Dr Nat Green: 45:48

Someone who's a step ahead that can hold that safe space as well and help you grow into who they often see. More than what we see ourselves. And I think that's really a key thing as well. And the other thing that you touched on was about, energetically aligning, but also the fact that after trauma, a lot of us are numb. It's that three brain thing that, I bang on about a bit, the head, the heart, and the gut that after the trauma we are often in our head going over and analyzing and really getting stuck into our old stories or our old way of doing and trying to be who we used to be. And until we can reconnect and start to feel and really. As painful as it is, just sit with what's going on in our heart and look at what is it we really want and who we really are. Then that healing isn't integrated. So yeah, that's a really important key piece to be in your head, but also to use that to do the mindset work, to navigate where you need to go. To feel it, but also to check in with your gut to know what feels right.

Melanie Benson: 47:16

Yeah. Knowing your barometer for what's aligned and what's not aligned makes all of the rest of it work. That I know for sure. That was a big learning for me. And by the way, all of us have different barometers. Very, so you have to really know your barometer.

Dr Nat Green: 47:34

and there's no right or wrong..I love this so much Nat.

Melanie Benson: 47:36

No, there's no right or wrong. And by the way, even if you mess it all up and you do it wrong and you go backwards a million steps, it's okay. You get to make a new choice every day and move forward.

Dr Nat Green: 47:51

Definitely. Yeah. Really important points. So would you think there's any specific quality or personal attributes? As being key to moving from trauma into post-traumatic growth?

Melanie Benson: 48:08

The two words that came up are commitment and resilience. I also think curiosity. I think sometimes we forget that there's a lot of power in being curious about what else is possible? Curiosity about what would it look like if I was to shift this part of me, or I was to, maybe let that part of my life go and it's like curiosity doesn't have any judgment with it. I think this is something you and I have explored at times, right? Yeah. It is what would happen if we got curious about that rather than be in a regimented, it's gotta be this or that. And it creates some freedom and some space inside of an experience to learn and grow and and, evolve from it. But I think for me. My commitment to bring my work out in the world and be the best version of me. So that high achiever quality that has been destructive at times. The good part of it the gold in it is that I do keep going. I do keep working. I do keep transforming. I do keep coming back to new work. I do keep looking for what is the next way that I need to evolve and grow and shift so that I can be the best coach, the best mentor, the best guide to my clients and to the people that I am influencing. And then the resilience is, it's gonna be flipping hard. You're going to hit landmines, you're gonna blow some shit up and get really uncomfortable. Yep. And you have to have the resilience to say, okay, that sucked. I don't like how that felt at all. And. I'm gonna learn from it and I'm gonna plug back in and decide what am I gonna do next. I have more failures in every part of my life than I've had successes, but I don't let the failures define me. I let the successes and the energy of someone just like you who keeps coming back and saying, we have more work to do. Yes, you and the clients like you and the people that I get to work with, like you are why I keep coming back. Why I keep doing the work I do.

Dr Nat Green: 50:11

Oh. And I'm so glad you do. I love the work you do. I'm a huge fan girl. I always will be. And just hearing you be more vulnerable and share. This part of you and your real journey behind the scenes, under the mask, whatever we wanna say. I feel really grateful and honored that you've been able to do that today.

Melanie Benson: 50:34

So thank you for creating a space where I don't even wanna say it's safe to do it, but that this is what this is here for. Yeah I'm honored. Thank you.

Dr Nat Green: 50:44

Thank you. And one thing that stood out when you were saying that, what are the attributes? And one thing you said was commitment, being committed. And I'll never forget, it was many years ago, you said, are you interested or committed? I'm sure you remember saying that to me and I was like I'm interested. Yeah. But yeah. And it's about backing yourself. Committing regardless of whether it's the right or the wrong decision, but making that commitment to yourself. Because until we are ready to commit to ourselves, we can't do what we wanna do in the world. So thank you for reminding me of that. Very powerful. Now as we move to wrapping up the conversation, just wondering if you could share with our listeners. where they could find more about you and find you online.

Melanie Benson: 51:41

Of course. I'm on pretty much all the social media coach Melanie Benson or Melanie Benson, depending on which platform. I'd love to connect with you there. And I also, you and I are talking about this idea of moving from. Maybe a place where we're blocking being visible or blocking like those next steps to really making the commitment to be unignorable. And I have followed a path several times whenever I was ready to recalibrate and open something up again, there's seven influences or factors that go into how to really be the unignorable expert. And I will share that with you. I've put together a scorecard and a little guide what those steps are and how to really assess like, where are you at with it. If you go to melanie benson.com/tallpoppies, see what I did there? Tall poppies. I love it. You won't forget it'cause it's part of the podcast.

Dr Nat Green: 52:36

Oh thank you.

Melanie Benson: 52:37

And you can download it as my free gift, but what I would recommend. Is when you go get it and you definitely wanna get it while it's fresh on your mind, download it, and then just do a quick scan of the scorecard and really check in with yourself. How is this landing for me? Do I really have this fully optimized? Is this how I'm bringing my brilliance to the world? Is it landing here so that other people can not only see me, but choose me when it's time to do the work that I'm here to do? And that's really the key about being unignorable. You wanna not just be lingering out there waiting for people to find you, but be the person they see when they're ready to do the work. And then how they know to choose you. That's what's happening in that unignorable expert framework.

Dr Nat Green: 53:24

Oh, thank you so much. That's very generous and I will. Put all your ways to get in contact with you in the show notes and definitely that valuable resource, and I'll share that in our newsletter and definitely highly recommend that we all take that. I'll be taking that when I get off this program. That's really exciting. Now, I always like to end with asking my guests, what do you think your youngest self would think of what you've done, what you're doing in the world now?

Melanie Benson: 53:59

That's such an interesting question for me'cause I don't have a lot of memory of being young. But I do remember being young and being very shy. And I still am shy, but I also now am really, I'm more committed to being of service and to that being an impact and influence in the world. So I think my younger self would be so proud and so inspired. By the version of me I am today.'Cause I didn't let the shackles of my conditioning hold me back, which it did to other siblings of mine. I didn't let the trauma define me. I let it become fuel and I did something with it that I think is pretty significant and I really feel like that youngest version, that young version of me that was so held back. Would just be like I would be a light in her world, which is what I'm here to do. Be a light in someone's world.

Dr Nat Green: 54:59

I love that so much. And how better to embrace, fully embrace your story. Pay it forward than to do that for yourself and for others. Oh, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and story and journey with us today. I am so grateful and so blessed that you're a friend in my life. Thank you, Mel.

Melanie Benson: 55:22

Oh, I feel grateful for you too, Nat, and thank you for bringing this work out to the world. It's so extraordinary. Thanks for having me.

Dr Nat Green: 55:30

Pleasure. Bye for now. Thank you for joining me in this episode of Growing Tall Poppies. It is my deepest hope that today's episode may have inspired and empowered you to step fully into your post-traumatic growth, so that you can have absolute clarity around who you are, what matters the most to you, and to assist you to release your negative emotions. And regulate your nervous system so you can fully thrive. New episodes are published every Tuesday, and I hope you'll continue to join us as we explore both the strategies and the personal qualities required to fully live a life of post-traumatic growth and to thrive. So if it feels aligned to you and really resonates, then I invite you to hit subscribe and it would mean the world to us. If you could share this episode with others who you feel may benefit too, you may also find me on Instagram at Growing Tall Poppies and Facebook, Dr. Natalie Green. Remember, every moment is an opportunity to look for the lessons and to learn and increase your ability to live the life you desire and deserve. So for now, stay connected. Stay inspired. Stand tall like the tall poppy you are, and keep shining your light brightly in the world. Bye for now