Growing Tall Poppies

Episode 29:- The Future-Focused Path: How Dr. Natasha Davison Overcame Trauma & Grief to Find Meaning and Thrive.

• Dr Natalie Green • Season 1 • Episode 29

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In this heartfelt episode of Growing Tall Poppies, Dr. Nat Green welcomes a dear friend and inspiring guest, Dr. Natasha Davison (or Dr Nat). With over 17 years working as a psychologist and seven years as a mindset coach, Dr. Natasha shares her deeply personal story of love, loss, and transformation and deepened human connection.

After the devastating loss of twin boys to twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS), Dr. Natasha opens up about how she navigated her trauma and grief and rebuilt her life and career, and how her trauma shaped her identity, personal growth, and the way she approaches life and relationships. 

Through their candid conversation, the two Dr. Nats explore the profound shifts that occur after significant trauma—how pain can lead to deeper relationships, more meaningful connections, and a greater appreciation for life’s true values. Dr. Natasha reflects on how her experience has allowed her to connect with others more authentically, and how vulnerability can pave the way for soul-deep connections.

Listeners will also discover practical insights as Dr. Natasha shares the importance of giving trauma a meaning which can lead to finding your purpose, and staying future-focused. She also leaves listeners with a powerful question that she has developed in order to guide them on their healing journey: “What would future me wish I had done right now?”

Key Takeaways:

  • How trauma can transform identity and deepen relationships
  • The value of vulnerability and accepting support from others
  • The importance of creating meaning from traumatic experiences
  • Practical tools for fostering compassion, inner fortitude and future-focused thinking
  • Using her powerful question to guide healing and decision-making

Listeners will learn how Dr. Natasha found new meaning and purpose in life. She discusses the importance of mindset coaching, vulnerability, and finding support in community. Her insights on transformation provide hope and inspiration for anyone working through loss, trauma, or life’s challenges.

Connect with Dr Natasha Davison:

Tune in to hear Dr. Natasha’s powerful story and insights on transforming trauma into growth. This episode is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and provides hope for anyone navigating their own journey of grief or trauma.

If this episode resonates with you then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen

Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Dr Nat Green:

Welcome to the Growing Tall Poppies podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Nat Green, and I'm so excited to have you join me as we discuss what it means to navigate your way through post traumatic growth and not just survive, thrive after trauma. Through our podcast, we will explore ways for you to create a life filled with greater purpose, self awareness, and a deep inner peace. Through integrating the many years of knowledge and professional experience, as well as the wisdom of those who have experienced trauma firsthand, we will combine psychology, accelerated approaches, coaching, and personal experience to assist you to learn, to grow, and to thrive. I hope to empower you to create deeper awareness and understanding and stronger connections with yourself and with others, whilst also paving the way for those who have experienced trauma and adversity to reduce their suffering and become the very best versions of themselves in order to thrive. Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode. I'm really honoured today to bring you our next guest on the Growing Tall Poppies podcast. It's my pleasure and absolute privilege to welcome a lady who has become a very special and close friend of mine over the past few years. She's so generously offered to come on today and share her story with us. I'm so pleased to introduce you to this courageous and amazing lady who happens to also be another Dr. Nat. We often get called the Dr. Nats, the two Nats. So let me introduce Dr. Natasha Davison to you all. Dr. Nat is a psychologist of 17 years and a results coach for the past seven years. She does mindset coaching. She also has teaching qualifications and was a corporate trainer for nine years. And she now has her own psychology clinic, Your Local Psychologist and her coaching business is Winning From Within. So welcome Dr. Nat. It's so great to have you here. I'm so grateful that you decided to come on today.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Thanks for having me, Dr. Nat. What are we? Dr. Nat Squared. Dr. Nat Squared. That's it. Have a chat with Dr. Nats. I guess that's what we're doing today.

Dr Nat Green:

Exactly. So the Dr. Nat Squared show today. Yeah. Exciting. So can we just start with you giving us a brief introduction of who you are and what you do in the world now?

Dr Natasha Davison:

Sure. So I'm a registered psychologist and, I'm a mum to a beautiful daughter, 13 year old daughter and wife to a fantastic hubby called Al. And I own a psychology clinic that I've had for about, golly, must be eight years now. Since I set that up and also my coaching business Winning From Within. So, and what I do is hopefully make a difference in the world. That's really what I love to do is work with people so that they get transformation, like real transformation in their lives, knowing that that change is long lasting and effective so that they can go on and have amazing lives for themselves. I know I've been able to create an amazing life for myself, and I just feel like I want that to be possible for everyone. That's kind of who I am.

Dr Nat Green:

Oh, I love that so much. And you know, you absolutely make a difference. You make a difference in so many people's lives. And yeah, as we go through our chat today, I know that everyone will see how you made such a difference and we'll start to look at though, what is behind some of why making a difference is so important to you. As we know, the guests that I have on that come in and have a, have a chat with. the other Dr. Nat, are people who have experienced trauma or adversity in their life. And we look at how they've navigated their experience, any lessons and learning, and we get you to impart your amazing wisdom that can help our listeners and other people who've also been through trauma to get that transformation and heal as quickly as possible.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah. Yeah. That's what, well, that's certainly what I wanted for myself. And it's certainly what I want for other people and having been able to do that and knowing your work Nat and the work that I do with people, I know that's absolutely possible and, you know, see that for others and, yeah, I love that because one of my philosophies is really while there's. while you're alive, there's always going to be pain, right? Life has pain in it. But I think that we can reduce the suffering that we don't need to have as much suffering in the world as what we do. And that's what I'm all about. You know, that whole saying, while pain is inevitable, I feel like suffering is optional. You know, that we can shift and change around that, by doing the work, by doing the work. Yeah,

Dr Nat Green:

absolutely. And it's not like you just wake up one day and everything's fixed and everything's wonderful. There, there is a lot of hard yards that you put in to work through it. And once you start to see some changes and some improvements, it can motivate you to keep going, can't it?

Dr Natasha Davison:

Completely, and it really is a journey and it's not one that you can control or, you know, put a time limit on or do any of that. You've got to be willing to be open to do the work and work through the things in the time that's required to be able to, get to the point where you're able to, well, I think, first of all, function. And then after that, you know, it's that survive and then thrive that you talk about, Dr. Nat.

Dr Nat Green:

Definitely.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah.

Dr Nat Green:

So I'm wondering Nat Dr. Nat, if you could share an overview of what has happened for you and what you've been through.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Sure. So, I'll go back to, uh, needing my beautiful husband. I was nearly 40 when I met him. I had been married previously, but had no children. And so we met and fell in love and, but we were not sure if we would be able to have children or not given my age and his age as well. So we got married and went on a amazing honeymoon to the beautiful New Zealand. And, came back and found out I was pregnant.

Dr Nat Green:

Gosh, that was quick.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Amazing. Right? I know. We weren't that careful because we all thought, well, maybe, maybe not. So anyway, went on to have a beautiful daughter, very blessed, and that was in 2011. And then, we tried for a little while to have some more kids, not successful. So decided to try IVF and, In our first try, we got one egg and, And fortunately for us, we got pregnant with that egg and turned into two eggs. So, found out big surprise that we were having twins. I remember saying to the doctor, just like, so you're having twins. No, no, I only had one egg. And he's like, yeah, but you're having twins. And I'm like, no, no one egg. And that went on for a little while until my head went, hang on, you're having twins. So that was pretty exciting. We thought, well, that'd be lovely. That's family fulfilled. And everything was going really, really well till about 18 weeks. And 18 weeks, they started to notice something called twin to twin transfusion syndrome. So that's where one twin gets more than the other, as far as nutrients and blood flow and supply. And so anyway, they were like, look, it's kind of okay, we'll monitor for a little while. The 20 week scan we did, they say, no, it looks really good. You're all fine. I'm Like 20 weeks. That's pretty good. And then not so long after that, maybe a week or two after that, they just started saying, Oh, things are not going so well. And at some point they said, look, we need to call it. They'd been monitoring. I'd been going into the hospital daily and they said, look, we need to call it and, do something called an ablation. So they start to ablate some of the. Veins that are going across the babies and just try and rectify it that way. Sometimes that can help. Of course, there's risk in utero operation and, so, uh, along that time went into the hospital, had the operation, which went well, but. Not long after that thought that I was internally bleeding. So they had to go back in, unfortunately, and check that, which of course it was already difficult enough doing the first operation, did the second one. And then they thought I was internally bleeding, had to go in and check that. So, I went into labour following that. So at this time I was about 23 weeks pregnant. So a little bit too early. So, monitored that, unfortunately, a couple of days after that, we lost the first baby. And then a couple of days after that, we lost the second baby.

Dr Nat Green:

OOhhhh That's a lot to have to deal with on top of all the anxiety you'd already had.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. A lot been going on. And then the operations and then the concerns around all of that. So, we tried to make that as, so then I had to give birth naturally. So, so stillborn giving birth to stillborn babies, which

Dr Nat Green:

very traumatic.

Dr Natasha Davison:

You know, if I think about that, if I thought about that before, I think, oh, how could, how could you ever go through something like that? I don't know how I would get through something like that, but of course when you have to, you do. Right? So we tried to make it as beautiful as we could. Gave birth to the boys. And then unfortunately, after that, I started bleeding out and I had to go back into the operation room. So, I was in there for quite a long time. My poor husband did not know what was happening. And that was a bit, It's stressful and traumatic as well. So there's a lot happening.

Dr Nat Green:

So you were whisked away back into theatre.

Dr Natasha Davison:

I was.

Dr Nat Green:

And poor old Al's there, not really knowing. So that uncertainty on top of already knowing you'd lost the boys.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah, absolutely. And I think he was told we won't be long, like half an hour. And I was in there for quite a long time, at least a couple of hours, I think. So he was just sitting outside wondering what was going on, which would have been, you know, hugely traumatic for him, I imagine.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah, definitely.

Dr Natasha Davison:

So following that, yeah, it was it was a whole different future than the one that we had thought we were going to have at that point. And, my little girl at that time, she was about 18 months old, so she was young.

Dr Nat Green:

So yeah, still very young and not comprehending. anything other than she was expecting to have brothers.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Correct. Yeah. Yeah. So, and we'd set our life up for this new big family and family of five. Then by then we bought a new house cause we had a little house before that. So we bought a new house. We were planning to get a bigger car. We, Moved into an area where we could send them all to a public school. Cause we're like, okay, there's going to be three kids at school and all the things. So all these plans and all these thoughts about how life might look and be and what I would do work wise and all of that. I just had planned to stay at home with the kids. And then at the time I was working at a public health service as a psychologist and thought, well, we'll just go back part time at some point, it was this future that, It looked very different than, than what it ended up being.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. So if you look back now, obviously with the benefit of a lot of healing work that you've done, so how do you recall that you initially coped with the trauma of the loss of the boys plus your own health concerns and managing a new future that wasn't what you thought you'd signed up for?

Dr Natasha Davison:

Hmm, I think, so sometimes Nat, it was, the grief was so incredibly overwhelming that I couldn't even, I felt like I couldn't breathe at times. Like, it was really palpable and so sometimes it was about, I would seriously, sometimes it would be about counting down the hours. Sometimes it would be counting minutes and sometimes it was like counting, so it would be just get through the next minute. Just, just get through this next minute. Sometimes on some days I could say, just get through the next hour and other days it wasn't like that. But I think I use that at times, you just have, how do you get through this next hour? Okay, I'm going to do this.

Dr Nat Green:

So just breaking it down to the tiniest little things that you could do. not control, but focus on rather than going out to a big picture that you didn't really want to look at at the time.

Dr Natasha Davison:

At that point, it was really just managing my own, yeah, that grief that was so, I'd never experienced anything like that prior to that time. I'd certainly lost people, but this was a really, really different experience. I think being surrounded by good people.

Dr Nat Green:

Yep.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Was definitely part of that and I think it can be surrounded by good people, but not accept the help. I think it was allowing myself to be vulnerable and be amongst supportive people and accept the help. And to say that I'm not doing so well today, or I'm not good.

Dr Nat Green:

First, accepting the vulnerability. Yes. And acknowledging it and then saying, yeah, it is okay for your help.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes, absolutely. And also being able to say no thanks when I didn't want it. And I think the other part, a really big part for me was accepting myself. So however I felt or whatever I thought really that acceptance and commitment therapy that we do with people because I'd learned all that. So I was really testing the tools. I felt right. It was like almost having a purpose was like, I'm really going to test these tools out. I mean, if these tools can get me through this time in my life, I'll be able to say to people these really work. And I think it was part of, you know, and it was also part of me being able to get through it was like, okay, I'm going to do an experiment and really try these tools out and see if they work. So some of it was that right, focusing on, let's see if these really work. So the, certainly the acceptance of however I was, was a vital part of that for me. So if I felt happy that that was okay, if I felt angry, that was okay. If I was in the depths of despair, feeling like I couldn't get off the floor out of bed, that was okay. However I was at that point, I just completely accepted it. And though, kept in mind that this would not last. So it's knowing that emotions come and go and that I wouldn't always feel this way. I had to remind myself of that a lot. Some days I was like, I don't know how I'm ever going to laugh again. I don't know how I'm ever going to feel okay again. I don't know how I'm ever going to want to talk to people again or be a psychologist again, because it just felt so awful and so. You know, so terrible at that time that I didn't, I had to keep remembering and reminding myself and believing that I wouldn't always feel this way.

Dr Nat Green:

And that must have been really challenging on those days where you're acknowledging how bad it was and accepting that that was how it was to actually keep that hope that It will be eventually,

Dr Natasha Davison:

and I think, and then the other part was knowing I was a psychologist and likely to go back to that, that this experience would help me to have more empathy and be able to relate more to people. Like, I felt that that would give me that capacity when I was ready. And I knew it wouldn't be for a little while that when I was ready, that this would help me be a better psychologist at some point.

Dr Nat Green:

And I do think, you know, that raises something that we've talked about a lot of times that lived experience. It doesn't mean everyone has to, you know, go through the worst of the worst to be able to be a good psychologist, not at all. But I do think that lived experience does give us that deeper. Understanding and capacity, maybe to bring extra hope to others. Yes.

Dr Natasha Davison:

And hold the space, hold that space too.

Dr Nat Green:

Definitely.

Dr Natasha Davison:

While we're all different and have different needs and at different times during that journey, certainly. But it's being able to hold that space as well in a different way than I think I might have been able to otherwise.

Dr Nat Green:

Yes. It certainly wasn't that we couldn't hold it before, but it, it's hard to explain, isn't it? That once you've been through a significant trauma, you're not the same person you were. And eventually we can get to the point where we acknowledge that that's not bad.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes. And it, and it does. You're right. It gives that deeper or another dimension, maybe, maybe it's another dimension to the way that.

Dr Nat Green:

That's a good way to frame it. Yeah. A different dimension.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah. To working with people. Yeah. Cause it certainly wasn't that I wasn't empathetic before, but I just feel like, yeah, I can hold that better now or in a different way that. Hopefully there's more healing, yeah, and maybe it is about giving people more hope too.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So you've talked a bit about your immediate reaction and some of the strategies. So do you recall a turning point or a significant realisation that helped you start to move forward and start to, to survive in a different way?

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah, most definitely. So the boys were born on the 1st of May in 2013, and I Both Al and I, like, we were lucky that I could take that time out. So we both decided I could take as much time as I needed that year, like, take the time off. And that was really good with work as well. They were very supportive as well. I think having all that support, and the capacity, and I understand that not everyone can do that, but, yeah. You know, I was blessed enough to be able to do that. So giving myself that space and time, not feeling like I don't have to rush and that I could spend time with my little girl as well and give to her, was really healing and helpful for me. But I think the turning point really was when. I decided that I like brought some meaning to what had happened

Dr Nat Green:

OK

Dr Natasha Davison:

For myself and whether that was true or not. And I actually now looking back, don't think it was true, but at that point I said to myself, maybe this means I'm meant to do something else with my life. So when I first left high school, I didn't do psychology. I actually did primary teaching.

Dr Nat Green:

And

Dr Natasha Davison:

I started the degree and didn't finish it and decided to then go into corporate space. But it made me stop and go, maybe I'm meant to be a teacher. Maybe this is how I'm meant to work with kids rather than have my own bigger family. Maybe I'm meant to be a teacher. And certainly if I'd had three kids. The probability and possibility of being able to go back and do that was going to be less. So I, I gave it the meaning that maybe this is, leading me down this track. And then the other part was, so in 2014, that was the last year where you could do a grad dip of teaching. After that it was going to a two years masters. And so I just made it mean that these were all the signs for me to go back and do primary teaching.

Dr Nat Green:

Mm hmm.

Dr Natasha Davison:

And see if maybe this is where I'm meant to be. Maybe I was meant to take this direction. So I enrolled and got accepted into that teaching degree for the following year in 2014. So I feel like that was a big turning point for me because it gave me something else to focus on and to heal for and move forward for. So it was a new future or a new. meaning to what had happened.

Dr Nat Green:

And a purpose, I guess.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes.

Dr Nat Green:

To take the learnings from your experience and pay it forward in a different way.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes. Yeah. It's like, well, if I can't have kids in this capacity, then maybe it's about. Helping kids in another capacity and maybe it's meant to be this so yeah, and I really think when I chose that and decided on that, that was really a big turning point for me in my healing to just go, Okay, this is the new focus. Now, this is the new future. You had this other future. We know that's not happening. And I think. For me, what happened was it was just like all of a sudden, because I've always been very future focused. I feel like being future focused is really important in our life. But when in moments, that all gets. ripped away that whole future I'd imagined and envisioned for myself has now changed. It's like, well, there's nothing to live into for me now.

Dr Nat Green:

I can understand exactly how that shift was essential for you to move forward.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah. So creating a brand new future, a new meaning to the event for me, all of that, I feel like was pivotal. It was a pivotal point for me.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. So once you made that decision, enrolled, got accepted, what happened next for you? To move forward and make the other changes that you've made to.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah. So, as with most things Dr. Nat that I do, I don't do it by halves.

Dr Nat Green:

No, you don't.

Dr Natasha Davison:

I had this little dream of, well, it's a grad dip. I'd already done a doctorate by then, so I was like a grad dip. I'll have plenty of time to sit around and have coffees at the uni and talk about life, and

Dr Nat Green:

of course you will.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Well, of course it wasn't like that at all. I was doing it full time for a start. I had a little girl as well, and I actually, applied and got accepted into a program where you could work in a school for two days a week, on top of doing all of that. So, you know, nothing by halves. I was like, well, if I'm gonna give it a go, let's throw my whole self in.

Dr Nat Green:

Why not?

Dr Natasha Davison:

So it was a very, very busy year. That year gave me a lot of great experience and understandings, got to the end of that year. And. My friend who had a private practice at the time said to me, cause it was about October, I think we finished October, end of October, she said, you know, this is a really busy time in psychology, would you, I've got some referrals, would you like to see some people? And I was like, actually, yes, yes, I would. Cause I thought that will then give me the contrast. I did initially, say to her though, that I don't want any grief or loss kind of clients that I didn't feel ready to see those clients, but I would see other people. No problem. So I started that. And, and then just went, Oh, I remember why I chose psychology, I love psychology. And a few months after that, that's when I started my own practice. So yeah, yeah, that's, that's where Your Local Psychologist got born and I haven't looked back since then. So yeah. So I went from that, but then. Started look, I've done personal development work for 30 years, 30 plus years now, actually. So I always love personal development, professional development work. So I've never stopped even before I was a psychologist. I did a lot of it. So I kept doing it through that time and then discovered coaching and went, Oh my goodness. I love coaching and found new tools and. Using them myself and on myself with other people and just getting deeper healing around some of the things that had happened and all those traumas and learning that there are different ways of transforming issues that don't, don't have to take years or even months.

Dr Nat Green:

Fancy that.

Dr Natasha Davison:

And, and thinking, Oh, there's whole different ways of being able to do psychological work in some ways, but also transformational work for people who are doing okay in life. But how do I go to next level? And that's what I've always kind of been looking at. So

Dr Nat Green:

Something come up as you were saying that I just got a feeling in this sense of, do you think one of the other things that you've benefited from as a result of all the awful stuff that you've been through has been that realization that you can test things out on yourself and Really because of what you've experienced the reason that you have gone down the path you've gone and really jumped on board this accelerated healing is because of what you've been through rather than what, you would have just accepted the status quo that trauma healing takes years. You just keep going and you do the healing in the way that the textbooks say. Can I even say that Dr. Nat? Oops.

Dr Natasha Davison:

A hundred percent Nat. A hundred percent. And because I could test it out on myself, I had something to really test those tools out on and go, is this legit? Will this actually work? And that's both psychological and coaching or fast tracked, accelerated tools. It's both. And because of that, absolutely I did. And always looking for a better way. A faster way. A more effective way. A less painful way of doing things. Certainly, and this is prior to me going through that experience as a psychologist, I had a client. Who had had quite severe trauma and found that the ways that psychology would tell me to work with this person were not only trauma, more traumatizing to her, traumatizing to me. I was being vicariously traumatized, but didn't actually work. And at that point I said, I'm not doing, I'm not working with people with trauma until we have better tools actually. And then I had my own experience, used acceptance commitment therapy. Which I think at that time was not around, or it was just brand new, maybe.

Dr Nat Green:

It would have been brand new, I think, wouldn't it? And it certainly wasn't accepted as a, an approach to use for trauma.

Dr Natasha Davison:

That's right. That's exactly right. And so I was just like, I'm, I'm not doing that. And so I used Acceptance Commitment Therapy, but as I've been through those and learned different tools, and better tools, and more tools, and including things like. EMDR, which has really also only been very newly accepted in the last few years. And still not by some people, I think it's not until those things. Yes. A hundred percent. Nat Yes. That is why I would have gone there. And otherwise you are right. I would definitely have just stayed status quo.

Dr Nat Green:

And I think that that's as awful as it is. What you've been through, that is also one of the gifts, the same as through my trauma experience, had I not done very similar in that I needed to also explore a way to accelerate the healing because staying stuck in our trauma and where we were was way too painful. So by being able to test the processes out ourselves, it's actually been a gift overall. For us and for our clients and the people we're able to help make a difference.

Dr Natasha Davison:

100 percent Nat. And in fact, I'm at the point of appreciating that. And I actually think that's a step that we can often miss in psychology So I think we help people to acknowledge and be able to be with it and do those kinds of things. I think we can even help people to accept it. No, say I said, this is something that's happened, but I think what we often miss is the ability to get people to a state of appreciation that sometimes they do sometimes we just do anyway. But I think if you can get to that appreciation of what has happened at some point and look, you know. There's a journey, there's a journey and lots of healing, regardless of having amazing transformational tools. I think you've got to, there's a, there's a way to go to that, but to get to that point where you get the gifts of something like that and appreciate it. Cause now I'm appreciative of that. It's given me so, so much. That I can now, as far as helping others, being empathetic, being able to sit with that, having gotten new tools and gone to the places I've been to, to be able to help more and more people with those kinds of things. I appreciate it so much, so much. It is a gift now to me, actually. And that might be hard for some people to hear that, but I think it's really, really important. And it's certainly. So important in the journey of not only surviving to thriving, but also, it's like to that true level of transformation. Where you don't go back after that. Yeah.

Dr Nat Green:

No I agree. Yeah.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah. I think once you get to that point where you are like, I'm actually grateful, I can appreciate this now that it's truly transformed.

Dr Nat Green:

Yes, definitely. And I think, for our listeners, you've already highlighted it, but we'll highlight it again that it doesn't mean that you know you, you wanted it to happen, or No, you wanted to go through it or. That you don't hate every minute of what happened.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes.

Dr Nat Green:

It's about to really get to the place of that deeper healing, accepting it, but seeing the lessons, the learnings and the gifts. That a traumatic experience can give you, yeah,

Dr Natasha Davison:

of course, of course, do we wish it never happened? Do we wish that none of those things ever happened to people? Absolutely. But given we can't change the past, we can't change those things. It's like, how do I make that? Something good in my life for me, not saying it's right or okay, or you don't wish it was a different way or never happened, but how do I make it something good for me so that I can have meaning and purpose and have that be okay for me to live with, not only live with, but thrive from.

Dr Nat Green:

Yes, definitely. And I think that's a really important distinction. Yes. A really powerful message that you've shared with people. Yeah. So again, very grateful Dr. Nat and all her wisdom. When you look back with the benefits of hindsight and that appreciation for the gift That's come out of your traumatic experiences, do you believe you have changed as far as who you are and your identity?

Dr Natasha Davison:

Most definitely. Most definitely. I think before I was, you know, I was a pretty good person and had a pretty good life and, but I feel like who I am now, like it made me really dig deep into who I am. It made me become more thoughtful and considered it had me create deeper relationships with people. I feel like, and I, I think I said this before, I feel like I can sit with more things with people in a very, nonjudgmental way because of my experience, that I can be with however people are, because I had to do that for myself. I can do that with others now. I think, I'm way more fulfilled now than I've ever been in my life. And, I think the appreciation that I have for my life and the people in my life and what I get to do now in my life is exponential. So I think I'm more grateful than I've ever been for everything that I have in my life and where I'm at.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. And that makes sense, doesn't it? Because once you go through a significant trauma or series of traumas, the things that matter become so clear. Don't they?

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes. So true.

Dr Nat Green:

The things that matter, the people that matter and what's. Important from a values perspective is so clear that you don't want to waste time on the things that don't matter anymore.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that gets highlighted. If I remember correctly, like it was immediate after that. It's like, it becomes very clear, but then living into that ongoingly. So, all those worries I had, all those other things, they don't really matter. This is what matters. It's the people in my life. It's all the support it's, it's knowing how kind people can be as well. No, I think when people are given the opportunity to be kind, this is what I noticed from my trauma, I think because I'd always tried to be this strong, independent person and, I'll be the one there for you. I'm okay. That kind of, I think that's how it changed me a lot, actually, rather than, trying to be that. I got actually how amazing it was. This is probably one of the big changes for me, how amazing it was to allow people to support you because I'm like, well, that's a gift to me when I can support someone else and help someone else. That's such a gift to me. I want to give that gift to other people. So allowing that support and being able to be more vulnerable and do those things. I think

Dr Nat Green:

a huge change and a role reversal really when we're. As psychologists, often the ones giving and listening and, and doing that. So well done. Like that's a huge shift.

Dr Natasha Davison:

And that allowed for these deeper, more meaningful relationships and connections than I'd ever had in my life, really. I only just go beyond that kind of, Surface niceness, which was lovely, but yeah, you really get to the heart of things and connect heart wise. Yeah.

Dr Nat Green:

So that soul level connection.

Dr Natasha Davison:

I was just about to say that it's like a soul thing, really

Dr Nat Green:

believe in that with people and it might just be one person. It might be a few very special people that you let in. And that experience is something that. You really want to nurture and thrive, don't you, into the future, because that's something that you, you can't take for granted.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes. And you understand how valuable and important that is.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. Definitely.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Right. Because you've been through that. You know, now that's actually what's most important in life is having those connections and relationships and having that depth that you can connect with people with.

Dr Nat Green:

Absolutely. And, allowing for that community of support. Mm. through your trauma and beyond.

Dr Natasha Davison:

And I feel like it's where we see people's kindness really shine. Actually, I think it's, I don't know if it's an Australian thing, but you see people really being very kind and generous in those times where it's the hardest. I certainly experienced that when I was, at my lowest of lows, people were so kind and generous. To me, like, and strangers, strangers, people who didn't know me or didn't need to be, it meant so, so much though at those times.

Dr Nat Green:

Beautiful. And thank you for sharing that because I think they're the things that will help our listeners who are still maybe struggling with their trauma that by giving them permission to allow people in to look for that kindness that will be there if we let ourselves see it is really important. And if you're coming out the other side and you're moving into post traumatic growth, you can be that one to pay it forward.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. Yes. So they're really powerful parts of the transition and transformation, aren't they?

Dr Natasha Davison:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Because, because that resonated so much. So an example for me was the cards that we wanted to send to people to say, thank you for your support after the boys had passed. And at that time we couldn't find someone to do, it's not like now you can make your own cards. But. Yeah. It was the old days,

Dr Nat Green:

us old people.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah, I know. So we went to this, we rang a greeting cards by Simpsons, which are Australian. And they actually offered, like I said, we're looking to make up a card. We want it to have the photo and have these words in it. And they said, we'll do that, but we'll do it for free. Like they just beautiful cards that they made for us with envelopes and just did it for free. And I was like, you don't know who I am. You don't know, like, and they were just, it was such a beautiful gesture. And knowing how much that meant to me, I absolutely want to pay it forward to someone else coming out the other side. It's like, I know the meaning of that now. I didn't, I wouldn't have understood that before, but I understand that now.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. Wow. So many deep levels of, and layers of ways that you've been able to learn to benefit. So if you were to look, do you think there's any specific qualities or personal attributes that you see as being key for someone to move from trauma into post-Traumatic growth?

Dr Natasha Davison:

I think being able to give it. a meaning at some point. It's not, it's not straight away, most definitely. It's, but at some point where you can say, this is what this means to me. Now, and we see people go out and start foundations or charities or do things that give them a purpose or a meaning. I think that's part of it. I think, not sure if I would have described myself as being resilient. So I don't know if it's that, and I, I don't know that I would have said I would have been strong enough to give birth to my boy, so I don't know that, that until you actually face some of those things, but what it showed me was I'm stronger than I think for sure. And I know that's quite cliche for people to say that, but it's a cliche for a reason because it's kind of what happens, right?

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah.

Dr Natasha Davison:

I think having a focus on the future is probably the biggest thing that got me through. I'm very future focused. I'm very orientated towards creating a future that I want and love. And so for me, it was thinking maybe I'm meant to be a teacher and help kids in that way. And so it was having that, that really got me through. I feel like it moved me into that next stage or part of my journey. And so whatever that is for people, I think you can do that. So it's not necessarily a quality or attribute, but I, and it's certainly something you can develop and do, but knowing that there's some thing out there in the future and that you won't always feel this way, it won't always be this way for you. Because I. Even though I knew that intellectually, heart wise, I had to really practice and remind myself ongoingly that it won't always be this way, that it will change. I will feel differently and that I will be able to do things again. Cause there were points where I felt like I might never be able to be a psychologist again. I might never be able to even get out of bed at some points, you know? So I think it's that future focus, having a focus on the future for me. And I was very good at that and making it and hanging onto the idea that I will use this at some point in the future. I don't know how, but this will help me in some way in the future. Those two things, I would say, well, they're kind of the same, a future focus.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. So giving something a meaning and a future focus. Very, very powerful tips. Yeah. So is there anything else that you'd like to share, that you think would help someone navigate their post trauma or their adversity experiences?

Dr Natasha Davison:

I think just being able to give yourself the space and grace

Dr Nat Green:

I love that one space and grace is so important

Dr Natasha Davison:

and compassion, really as much compassion as you might give to others. Cause I think I was very compassionate towards others, but less to myself. And so being able to direct that compassion back to myself, knowing, I think I got to see, Oh, you're a human, you're just a. Bumbling old human doing the best you can as well. We're all just that. And so, which gave me the space and grace, it's just reminding myself, you're just a human, and you're just having a human experience and give yourself that space and time and it's okay. And I felt lucky that I had some tools that I could implement and use. So I think having. Being able to connect with someone who has been through it, maybe. Depends on the person, I guess, but also someone who knows how to navigate it as well. So having someone who can help with those, what's helpful, someone who can hold the space for you and, and get you, help you move through it. So I had, a few people. In my corner for that at, and different things at different times, different people were important as well. Initially practical things were important, bit later on, more emotional things were important,

Dr Nat Green:

and I think you access what you're ready to access.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes.

Dr Nat Green:

So you were not ready in the early stages. To access any emotional support, you would've been shutting that down. I'm not ready to go there. But if you can provide me a meal today and I don't have to cook it, I'll take that. So

Dr Natasha Davison:

absolutely

Dr Nat Green:

allowing that flexibility to move through and just go with whatever your needs were for the day rather than feel you had to stick to something because, oh, I should be at this point now. But we know it's an up and down curve, isn't it? Backwards and forwards.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yes. And I think holding onto that too, knowing that some days may be better than others that even though I feel like I'm getting better, but then I have a terrible day doesn't mean I've gone backwards. It's knowing and remembering all of those things as well. Yeah. And just being able to call on different people at different times and being okay with wherever I was at, that was such a big learning for me. Like just that. Yeah. Self acceptance, acceptance of whatever I was feeling, whatever I was thinking, whatever I wanted to do or not do at that point, and being okay with all of it and all of me.

Dr Nat Green:

Yes, yes, definitely. And. And just what you said there, and I can pick up on something as well. So I'm going to ask you, this is one of my favorite questions.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Uh oh.

Dr Nat Green:

What do you think your younger self would think of what you've achieved?

Dr Natasha Davison:

I think my younger self would think, yep. You've done a bloody good job and you've done a way better job than I would have ever thought you could or would. And I'm really proud of you. Like, I'm really proud of you for navigating all of the challenges in life because of course we all have challenges at varying degrees and types. I think younger self would not believe some of the things that I've. Done and been through and, being able to put in place and do for myself. So yeah, I think she'd go, good job.

Dr Nat Green:

Go Dr. Nat

Dr Natasha Davison:

go Dr Nat

Dr Nat Green:

oh, I love that so much. So as we move to wrapping the conversation up, where can our listeners find out more about you and find you online?

Dr Natasha Davison:

So, so I have, Oh, I have a number of things. So I have, a website, drnatashadavison. com. au. I have winningfromwithin. com. au. See, I must be a bit old Nat cause I'm given the websites, which most people are like, nah, give me social media.

Dr Nat Green:

We'll put all the links on anyway in the show notes to make it easier.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Good. If they find that helpful, absolutely happy to chat with anyone. But also on Facebook and Instagram, Dr. Natasha Davison and, or Winning From Within should be able to find me on that.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. We'll, make sure that they can find you. Now, another thing I would love to give you the opportunity to do, because I know you have developed a very, very. Amazing, powerful question. And I know that I love your question and you have definitely set a clear foundation that you're future focused. Mm. And I would love for you, if that's okay with you, to share with our listeners this question that I believe might really help them as they're navigating from trauma into post traumatic growth. So what's that question and the purpose behind it?

Dr Natasha Davison:

Oh, thank you, Nat, for this opportunity, because I, I also love this question. I love the focus of this question and I designed it specifically because it gives, I see, time as a tool more than anything. Yeah. And I believe that if we can have a future focus, that we can create our present based on what we want in the future. And actually our present well, shapes how our past is. So if I look at that past incident now, that event now, it looks different and I describe it and tell it differently than at that time. So it's really the present that, so I'm looking at time backwards than most people. Most people go, it's the past who determines who I am now. And it's my now that determines what my future looks like. Well, I like to look at it in the reverse. Okay. So it's my future that is actually creating what I'm doing in the present. So I'm creating that future and my present will shape how I look at or see my past.

Dr Nat Green:

Absolutely.

Dr Natasha Davison:

So I like bringing all the elements of time in. And so this question encompasses all of those. And it helps, I think, and I think this is vital in, actually, it's just vital for everybody regardless of whether you're trying to get through traumatic experience or, you're on the other side, but that self check in. It's like, what do I need right now? Yeah. It's beyond that. So this is kind of the next level of that. It's, so the question is, you ready?

Dr Nat Green:

We're ready. Share it. And I will make this into a graphic quote and we'll share it everywhere on social media this week with your name underneath it.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Beautiful. So the question is,"What would future me wish I had done right now? And my belief is that using that question, cause often we'll talk about setting goals and doing all those things, but actually when we have our values front and centre and we ask ourselves that question, the wisdom that we already have will be able to guide us in the right actions. So what would future me wish I had done right now? And then choose.

Dr Nat Green:

And then, then it is that you actually have a choice.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Absolutely.

Dr Nat Green:

Sometimes if we keep looking back at past, we often don't feel there's a choice. So this opens up so many possibilities. It's such a powerful question. And I know that everyone listening to this podcast is going to go, wow, wow, what a cool question.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Well, I hope so. I hope it gives so much value to people and the idea is to just, when you're at a point of decision, whether it's small decisions or bigger decisions, anytime through the day. You're about to reach for that chocolate cake. Oh, look at you and me. Wish I'd done right now.

Dr Nat Green:

Oh, put it away.

Dr Natasha Davison:

And then choose, right? Put the chocolate cake down, move away. But like really big or small kind of things you can really, choose. I use that in the car with my daughter, we're driving to school. I was getting crabby cause I had to do all the. Drop offs and pickups, and then it was like this reminder, you know, and I said, well, what would future me wish I'd done? I thought I'm not going to have these trips soon. She's going to get the train soon to school. And I won't have this time, this beautiful quality time to share. So I just asked myself that question, what would future me wish? And then I just became really present to her in those moments. And actually they became my most favorite parts of the day.

Dr Nat Green:

Wow. It's a very, very powerful question to help you switch from what might be a negative presence or situation to making a choice to make it a bit more powerful and helpful and healthy for you.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah. Because it reminded me, it's like, actually, she's like one of the most important things in my whole life. Like, what am I doing being grumpy about having to do this? Cause I'm like, Oh, I got all this work to do, thinking about that rather than actually she's my number one brought me right back into that. And then I got to choose to absolutely treasure that time. And that was, I was, you know, so, so valuable. I'm so glad. Cause now, yeah, she gets the train to school and I don't get that time anymore.

Dr Nat Green:

Yeah. So again, puts things into perspective and helps us see what's most important to us. So that question for everyone listening, a very powerful question and one that you could apply to where you're at now on your trauma journey in particular, and it may help flick a switch for moving you and accelerating you into post traumatic growth. So. Thank you so much for coming on for sharing that with us and sharing your beautiful story today, Nat. I'm so grateful. Thank you.

Dr Natasha Davison:

Yeah. Thank you, Nat. It's been an absolute pleasure to hang out with you for an hour. You know, I always love hanging out with you, but, particularly to speak about this topic and, yeah, to be able to share that. And my hope is that. That helps someone somewhere and, yeah, thank you.

Dr Nat Green:

Thank you. And I'm sure it will. And I want to honour you for the amazing work you have done in working through that and your capacity to share that with so many people and pay it forward and change so many lives. So thank you, Nat.

Dr Natasha Davison:

That means a lot. Okay. Thanks, Nat. Bye.

Dr Nat Green:

Thank you for joining me in this episode of Growing Tall Poppies. It is my deepest hope that today's episode may have inspired and empowered you to step fully into your post traumatic growth so that you can have absolute clarity around who you are, what matters the most to you, and to assist you to release your negative emotions and regulate your nervous system. So you can fully thrive. New episodes are published every Tuesday And I hope you'll continue to join us as we explore both the strategies and the personal qualities required to fully live a life of post traumatic growth and to thrive. So if it feels aligned to you and really resonates, then I invite you to hit subscribe and it would mean the world to us if you could share this episode with others who you feel may benefit, too. You may also find me on Instagram at growing tall poppies and Facebook, Dr. Natalie Green. Remember, every moment is an opportunity to look for the lessons and to learn and increase your ability to live the life you desire and deserve. So for now, stay connected, stay inspired, stand tall like the tall poppy you are. and keep shining your light brightly in the world. Bye for now.

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Dr Natalie Green

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